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MATT: Welcome to tonight’s episode of CriticalRole, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. First off,for those of you that are watching the awesome art sizzle, we are excited, We finally got theopportunity to get our fantastic fan song, ‘Welcome to Wildemount’, by Colm McGuinness, one ofthe Critter community and a very talented musician who made that piece. We’ve been trying to finda way to incorporate it since he put it up, so we’re excited to have that as a lead-in of hypefor the week, so thank you so much, Colm, for being amazing. You should check out his stuff.What are you– Are you kidnapping somebody over there? SAM: Don’t mind me! (laughter) MATT: Before we get into the game real fast, let’sgo over some announcements. First off, tonight we have dual sponsors. First, we have our fantasticreturning partners in crime for this campaign, D&D Beyond. (cheering) SAM: This week, guys, D&D Beyond is offering upanother discount code for 24– no, I read that wrong! 25% off any single purchase in the D&DBeyond marketplace.Use code “InvisibleWand,” not case-sensitive, at check-out to receive the discount. I’ve done a lot of things to promote D&D Beyond and all of our sponsors. I’ve done poetry. I’ve done opera.I’ve sung songs. But there’s one art form that I haven’t explored… and that’s dance. MARISHA: Yes! SAM: So tonight I will be performing, with myinvisible wand, a ballet that I wrote to honor D&D Beyond. I may need a camera person. (laughter) SAM: Ready? Maestro, please hit it. [Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy plays] (laughter) SAM: (singing, VO) D&D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D,D, D, D&D Beyond, D&D Beyond, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D&D Beyond, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D,D&D Beyond, D&D Beyond! (cheering) TRAVIS: That’s something.MATT: I wasn’t prepared for that. SAM: Some things just have to be expressed with the human body. MATT: Of course. LIAM: Every time you open your mouth that wide,an entire new universe is born. (laughter) MATT: Wow. So thank you, D&D Beyond, forfacilitating that for us and all the good of the internet. TRAVIS: What would you do every week withoutsponsorships? You would explode. SAM: I would do this at home. MATT: He needs an outlet. It’s good. It’s healthyfor him. Our second sponsor tonight is the upcoming game– maybe you played the franchisebefore, but we have the Far Cry 5 game, coming up soon. Liam, if you want to talk about that a littlefurther. LIAM: Oh man, Vax’ildan Vessar here from theafterlife. You know, most of the time, I sit here in a big black room wondering where the fuck I amor what’s going to happen next. Probably nothing. But once in a while, the Raven Queen hands me asheet of paper to help promote projects, and this week it is Far Cry 5.(clears throat) I got this four minutesago. Far Cry 5 is available on March 27th on PS4, Xbox One, and PC. Go to farcry.com– we don’t haveany computers here– to learn more and pick up a copy. The latest installment of Far Cry is set infictional Hope County, Montana, where a fanatical doomsday cult known as the Project at Eden’s Gatehas taken control. You are the hero of the story in a thrilling world that hits back with everypunch and where the places you discover and the locals you ally with will shape your story in waysyou’ll never see coming.Also, in celebration of the upcoming release, Nerdist’s Dan Casey, KyleHill, and Geek & Sundry’s own Erika Ishii are filming a special Far Cry 5 training video where they tookon challenges players will face in-game. MARISHA: Oh, that’s cool! LIAM: Shooting, car drifting, dog training andmore. Go to nerdist.com or youtube.com/nerdist to check it out and tell them Critical Role sent you.Send me some comic books because I’m really bored here. MATT: Thank you, Liam. TRAVIS: As a player of Far Cry 4, it was amazing. Ihave higher expectations for 5. LIAM: The story looks dark.TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s real good. ATVs, baby! Sorry. MATT: Thank you. And thank you, Far Cry 5, forsponsoring tonight’s game. All right, so, next bit. A reminder for Twitch Prime. If you guys have AmazonPrime, you can easily subscribe to any Twitch channel that you want to for free, once each month. Youconnect your Twitch and your Amazon accounts together and you can do it with the click of abutton, so check it out. If you want to see all the VODs on this channel or any other channel on Twitchthat you enjoy, that is a really easy and inexpensive way of doing so. Last week’s episodeof Critical Role is available today in podcast form, so if you have friends who want to listenaudio-wise, those are available where all fine podcasts are downloadable. Talks Machina, next Tuesdayevening, about tonight’s episode, will be at 7:00pm Pacific, where it always is. For those of you whoaren’t in the weird backwards world of Daylight Savings Time, you may have to check what time thatis, but you probably know that now because of what tonight’s episode is.Anyway, 7:00pmPacific American. Our fantastic host, Brian W. Foster, will be talking– (cheering) MARISHA: He did it! Nothing. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: I literally brainfarted once and it’s likeI’ve always ruined it. LAURA: No, it’s been more than once. TRAVIS: But good friends never let you forget,Matt. MATT: It’s true. LIAM: That is true. Very true. MATT: So check it out next Tuesday. WonderCon comingup. We have a Talks Machina Critical Role panel on Sunday, March 25th at 11:30am in the Arena.So ifyou guys are in the vicinity and planning to attend WonderCon, please come join us for the panel. We all shall be ridiculous as usual and I don’t know if Sam will be up for bringing his box-crotchonesie from Gen Con last year. LAURA: Maybe you can do an interpretive dancethere as well? SAM: Sure. TALIESIN: Or turn it into an octagon. LIAM: Yeah, or a higher faced die. Like aneight-sider or a 12-sider. MATT: That’s true. SAM: Let’s really push the envelope of dickjokes. LAURA: There is no end to dick jokes. MATT: This is true. So hopefully we’ll seesome of you guys there. C2E2 in Chicago also, which is having a– Wehave panels and signings held April 7th and April 8th. You can get your tickets at C2E2.com andwe’re excited to see you guys there. I met a bunch of great “Cwitters”– Critters– Some great “Cwitters”this past weekend in Lexington, Kentucky.You guys were amazing. It was such a great time to interfacewith all of you, for those of you who were able to come. Thank you so much for being patient. I know it wasa wait for a lot of you. It was a joy for me and I hope it was a joy for you. A lot of you weresaying you were coming to Chicago as well, so I look forward to seeing you there. Let’s see. Onceagain, 826LA is a fantastic charity that we promote and push for this. They do great work with after-school classes in creative writing for underprivileged teens and children. If you havethe opportunity, look into it and see if you can provide any sort of funds to what they do or go aheadand give some time to them. Teach and be part of that wonderful environment.They’re amazing. Ihighly recommend you check them out if you haven’t yet. MARISHA: Taliesin, didn’t you say you ran into aCritter who went and started to do D&D? TALIESIN: I did. He’s starting to do stuff downthere. MARISHA: I love that. So thank you. TRAVIS and ASHLEY: Yeah. TALIESIN: He was enthusiastic. I’m excited.It’s good stuff. MARISHA: If he can do it, you can too! MATT: I believe we have some new merch? (excited noises) LAURA: And look how cute it looks underoveralls. MARISHA: So cute! LAURA: Those are in the store right now! As wellas our new CR logo shirt, which nobody is wearing. SAM: Oh! I need one. I need a large. LAURA: Okay. I’ll get one for you. SAM: Should I get one in the store? Are theyavailable? LAURA: At GeekandSundry.com! The shop! There itis! ASHLEY: I love that color! LIAM: It is executive! LAURA: Yeah, it is.It’s like the sophisticatedversion. Yeah. We have some dice as well as lots of other merch, so check it out. ASHLEY: Let’s have cruises soon. TRAVIS: Yeah. Let’s get our own Sea Org and we’ll give out ranks. MATT: No! Nothing like Sea Org, please! LIAM: We’re just getting over being sick! Nocruises! MATT: Well, anybody have anything else they wantto say or shall we dive in? TRAVIS: I like Girl Scout cookies. MATT: All right. And on that note, let’s go ahead and dive into tonight’s episode of Critical Role! [click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme] MATT: And wel– (laughter) ASHLEY: I was going to say it, but I thought it was–I’m out of practice! MATT: For those who are unaware, Ashley just full-onripcorded out of halfway-a-phrase and it was beautiful.It was adorable. MARISHA: It could have been so many things. MATT: So– ASHLEY: I’ll get better at it again. Give me aminute. MATT: It’s all good. So, last we left off, theMighty Nein have been making their rounds in the city of Zadash, seeking opportunities,information, getting their bearings amongst the various townsfolk, streets, and what goings-onthere are. Getting updates from town criers wandering through the roads, speaking withindividuals, going into bathhouses where you met up with your fantastic long-lost barbarian. Yashacoming in to join alongside you guys in your exploits. You managed to converse with a meeting,or at least Beau and Fjord met with a meeting of unhappy denizens of the Empire discussing theirfrustrations beneath the Leaky Tap, and had crossed some information with them. You had goneand made some purchases. You had sold off a few of the things you had acquired in your journeysnorthward along the Amber Road. You had decided to, looking for work, go to the King’s Hall, wherethey had a task board there and had taken one of the contracts that had been posted.You would bepaid to seek the sewers beneath the city, near the outskirts of the Tri-Spire area of the town, forsomething that had been lurking within those tunnels below. A couple of guards had notreturned; one had gone there and fled. You were promised a sum of money, should you be able toexterminate whatever this entity is and bring back proof of its demise. You jauntily accepted this.Before this happened, as a part of a journey towards this Tri-Spire, both Caleb and Jester madetheir way there, Caleb unsuccessfully entering a nicer district of the city that did not seem tobelieve or respect his presentation. Jester did so. She got a room at one of the hoity-toity innsin the district and was led to some mild disappointments.Where we left off, the two of youhad reconvened and begun making your way back to meet up with the rest of your friends at the LeakyTap tavern. Probably at a brief distance from each other as Caleb has huffed off, in a bit offrustration. Eventually, Caleb, you make your way to the familiar outside of the Leaky Tap. Youenter, the fresh mud now a little bit less fresh and dried against your face, into the interior. Atthis point, it’s mid-afternoon, there’s maybe about, let’s say, nine patrons in there, and anumber of your friends who have been waiting for the two of you to return that are all sitting around atable and discussing amongst themselves.The rest of you guys look across and watch Caleb enter,and then a few moments after, Jester enters as well. LAURA: Oh, hi. TRAVIS: How’d you do? MARISHA: Big money? LAURA: No. Not so much. Not a lot of money. TRAVIS: Lots of gifts, then? LAURA: No. MARISHA: Jewels? LAURA: No. Nothing really. But I saw the Traveler,so that’s good news, everyone. He’s still around, he’s here. He’s probably hanging out with us right now. TRAVIS: He’s in Zadash? Like, staying here? LAURA: Yes.Well, probably, yes. TRAVIS: Isn’t that hard since he’s not technicallyrecognized? SAM: Should you be talking about him out in theopen like that? LAURA: Well, not a lot of people know who he is yet, soreally, no, I don’t think I’ll get in trouble. SAM: He’s a new god? LAURA: Well, I don’t know if he’s new, but he is justnot well-known, especially here. I’m sure where he’s from everybody knows him because he’sreally cool, so I bet a lot of people are like, “Oh my god, I love you!” TRAVIS: He plays lots of local clubs. Yeah. LAURA: Yes, basically. TRAVIS: Up and coming. Enjoying a resurgence. MARISHA: And you’re sure he’s a god? LAURA: Yeah! Yeah, he’s really cool. He’s sopowerful.You guys should really see what he can do, because it’s amazing. SAM: Give us a hint. LAURA: Well, he can do lots of magic, and he canappear out of nowhere. That’s cool. SAM: That is cool! TRAVIS: Were you with anyone when he showed up? LAURA: No. TRAVIS: Do you think he’d want to meet us? Orintroduce us, maybe? LAURA: I can ask him! Yeah! MARISHA: Yeah.I’m really interested in a god thatkicks it with people. TRAVIS and LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: I’ve never heard of that. LAURA: Well, Traveler, you heard it yourself! Ifyou like everyone here, you can just show up anytime! TRAVIS: Perception check. MATT: Make a perception check. TRAVIS: First one! That’s an 11. MATT: 11? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: You look around the room and nothing seemsto apparate.The clientele all seem disinterested with your presence. There’s nothing that wouldbelie any arrival of an entity she spoke of. TRAVIS: (whispering) I don’t think he’s here. LAURA: Well, it’s possible he’s just invisible rightnow. He does that sometimes. TRAVIS: That is problematic. TALIESIN: Incognito. LAURA: Yeah. LIAM: I mean, it is not totally unheard of.Thelegends in history are full of stories of the gods dabbling with mortals. I don’t know what happenedfor you today, but– it is not common, but it does happen. LAURA: Yeah, it happens. TRAVIS: Well. ASHLEY: He shows up to you as a man? Or how doesthat work? LAURA: Yeah! You know, he’s just this guy. I don’tknow exactly what he looks like, because he’s got this hood. TRAVIS: A hood? LAURA: I imagine that he’s really handsome. ASHLEY: Okay. LAURA: I think he’s really cute. He sounds reallycute. He can probably hear me right now.I’m so embarrassed! (laughter) LIAM: Hello, guy. LAURA: Right? Maybe he’ll start talking to youtoo! MARISHA: Maybe Molly can do a seance and he’llcome out! LAURA: Oh, well he might get– you know what? Hemight think that’s really fun. That could be fun. TALIESIN: I don’t normally speak with the dead ona first date, but we’ll think about it. TRAVIS: Yasha, do you have any kind ofcommunication with your– ASHLEY: I mean, I certainly don’t see him in theflesh, so no. SAM: But do you talk to him? ASHLEY: Yes, of course.MARISHA: Does he talk back? ASHLEY: Not exactly. LAURA: Maybe you have to get somewhere reallyquiet, because the first time I heard the Traveler it was super duper quiet. ASHLEY: That’s a good idea, actually. That’s agood idea. LAURA: Fjord, can I ask you a question? TRAVIS: Yes. LAURA: Do you remember how long it took us to getfrom Port Damali to the border into– TRAVIS: I don’t think it was more than a few days.I don’t recall exactly. Do I recall exactly? MATT: You do. From Port Damali to the southerngates of the Empire and the Wuyun Gorge, on foot– which you guys were traveling on foot– it took youabout the better part of two weeks. You passed through Nicodranas– or you didn’t pass throughNicodranas, but you went through along the road and skirted along the side. You took the road prettymuch straight there, but it was quite a bit of travel on foot to get there.TRAVIS: By a few days, I mean a couple weeks. Ithink that’s more of an appropriate estimation. LAURA: So wait. If I sent a message from Alfield, then–or, wait. Where were we when I sent that message? SAM: You were in Alfield. LAURA: Then would it have got to Nicodranas andto Zadash by now? TRAVIS: Oh yeah, Jester, that’s got to take a while to getthere and back. LIAM: It would take quite a while longer. I thinkit’s too early for you to have checked today. MARISHA: We were in Alfield because that was alsowhen I stole the mail. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: Also, sometimes people steal your mail. Youcan get robbed on the road.MATT: No, I believe it was Trostenwald. LAURA: No, I just had an itch– you have a littledirt on your face, but other than that. LIAM: Shit happens. LAURA: So maybe that’s what it is, that’s why. TRAVIS: Of course. Now, is she supposed to send youstuff here? LAURA: She was going to send it to The PillowTrove. TRAVIS: We’ll have to hang out until it shows up,then. LAURA: Yeah. SAM: It seems like it’s harder to get over to thePillow Trove, maybe you could have them forward your mail to here or something like that. LAURA: It would be a pretty expensive package, soI feel like– maybe I could do that. SAM: Or if we had some sort of a P.O. box. LAURA: I don’t know what it is, but I’ll look intothat. I have a room there tonight, you guys. MARISHA: Room party! LAURA: The thing is that apparently it’s not easyto get into that district.LIAM: I was not able to accompany her to thePillow Trove. SAM and MARISHA: Why not? LIAM: Because I am shabby. TRAVIS: You’re shabby? TALIESIN: That is fair, you are shabby. LIAM: Shabbily dressed. LAURA: Shabby chic. SAM: We need to get you some nicer clothes, then. LIAM: You know, I was thinking on the walk backhere that I would probably like to get a cloak of some kind. MARISHA: You could also get a new jacket and newpants. LIAM: I know where everything is in every pocketof this coat. It has been with me through a lot. What? LAURA: Maybe we can go somewhere and they willmake a coat exactly like that coat with all the same pockets, only it won’t have the holes in it. MARISHA: How long could it take you to memorizepockets on a coat? That’s like 20 minutes. LIAM: I will probably just get a cloak. LAURA: Yeah, that’s probably good too. ASHLEY: Should we get you a rag as well? Just tohave on hand like a hanky.So you don’t have to do a full bath, you could just do a quick– LIAM: I’m not bothered. It seems like maybe– SAM and TALIESIN: I’m not bothered. ASHLEY: I’m definitely not bothered. TRAVIS: Yasha makes a good point, though. Just incase a simple wipe-down was enough to gain you entry. LIAM: You know, water is not very hard to come by,so I can– LAURA: Or we just keep going to visit that guy whomade you clean.Every day we could go see him, and then he makes us all clean! MARISHA: You could really just get a new coat. TALIESIN: Does feel like a terrible abuse ofhospitality. LAURA: What, to use his power like that? I want toask The Traveler if he knows how to do that, because I wonder if he could make me do that. TALIESIN: Is the Traveler the only god you’ve everseen, or have you seen other gods, out of curiosity? LAURA: No, I’ve only seen that guy. TALIESIN: So this is the one that decided to makeitself presentable to you? LAURA: Mm-hmm. MARISHA: She does see hamster unicorns. Are theygods? LAURA: No, they’re just unicorns. SAM: We’ve been sitting drinking, right? TALIESIN: I’ve been drinking.SAM: We’ve been plotting our next moves. TRAVIS: We’ve got to tackle this job at somepoint. LAURA: We’ve got to get to that sewer, you guys! TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s a sewer nexus with a beast withwebs. MARISHA: So we’re not having this room party? TALIESIN: We’re having the room party after thesewers. TRAVIS: Yeah, because we’ll have bank and then we can get room service and shit. LAURA: But we’ll have to get clean or else wewon’t get in there. TALIESIN: I want to defile a very expensiveshower. LIAM: That’s what I’m saying, is the sewer firstbecause you are all going to be dirty like me. TALIESIN: And somebody else’s hotel room will getus clean. ASHLEY: If you’re renting a room there, maybe theyhave to let us in. MARISHA: You also have to get in in order to rentthe room.LAURA: I think they only have to let me in,technically. TRAVIS: Did they give you a hall pass orsomething? LAURA: I have this key. It says Pillow Trove onit. TRAVIS: Is it just a key or is there a thing thatdangles from it, something we could mimic and make more of? MATT: It’s a very intricate key. It feels like adense iron, but it’s been gold leafed, or coated in some sort of reflective gold-like metal. It’svery well made. It has little scrawlings on it, almost like a spiral in the center.The keyitself– TRAVIS: Jester, can I see it real fast? MATT: –is probably worth a silver in its ownright. LAURA: Oh yeah, Beau has it right now. TRAVIS: Oh. Thank you. I take a real good look atit in case I want to fucking Minor Illusion that shit later. MATT: Okay. Good to know. LIAM: Also, I don’t think that’s the main issue.They’re very strict at the gate for who gets in, and some of us might not have a problem, but morethan one of us might. MARISHA: Caleb, why are you so hung up on justchanging clothes for, like, ten minutes, just to get through the door? LIAM: It seems more like you are hung up on itthan I am. TALIESIN: Let a man be eccentric. MARISHA: I’m just saying, you want in, dress forwhat you want. LIAM: That’s why I want to pay for a cloak. SAM: This is your jam? TALIESIN: I’m a real fan of this one. TRAVIS: It gets real turnt up when this herestarts playing. MATT: You turn back at the three-piece half-elvenband that are moseying their way through the afternoon lazily.They’re whispering and chattingamongst each other and ribbing each other with their elbows between things, half-paying attentionto the music, but it’s nice enough to keep atmosphere. TALIESIN: I’m tossing a silver over, just forthat. TRAVIS: A silver?! TALIESIN: Yeah. TRAVIS: Fucking start small, man. TALIESIN: Don’t tell me how to spend my money. MATT: As the coin clinks and rolls about two feetoff, the gentleman standing with this double set of drums that lays over a leather strap on him–you can see he’s got the shaved sides of his head, this young half-elven boy– immediately seesthat, stops drumming, grabs the coin, gives you a nod, and goes right back into the song. You watchas the other performers all of a sudden immediately look to you and they’re all like– TRAVIS: Now the beat’s all off.TALIESIN: What you’re hearing is the happiness ofa performer. LIAM: Are we going to– (laughter) MATT: So he’s Steve Martin in The Jerk, yeah. (laughter) TALIESIN: Fuck you, Birdman. (laughter) LIAM: Two things; one, Fjord, will you pass methese cookies over here? TRAVIS: Yeah. LIAM: Thank you. Second of all, are we going totry to tackle this sewer this evening, or is this something that we’re going to do tomorrow? SAM: What time is it? MATT: Later afternoon. TRAVIS: I’ve been looking at some of the folksaround here. I think they’re over-exaggerating the importance of this beast. LIAM: Yeah? TRAVIS: Yeah, I think we should at least go downthere and take a look. LIAM: Oh, I’m not opposed to going down there, Ijust mean are we waiting until cover of night or are we doing this– TRAVIS: Nah. I don’t think so. I’m not a super fanof the sewer during the day. I figure I’ll like it even less at night.MARISHA: Well, why don’t we at least go and talkto that guard that came back? Try and track him down, maybe get a little bit of insight. TRAVIS: Ooh, yeah. Do we know where that guy is? MARISHA: Do we know where that guy is? MATT: Which guy? TRAVIS: The guy that came running back. MARISHA: Oh, or was there a guy that came back? TRAVIS: That Voloshin said that one of them ranback from the task.MATT: Yeah, you don’t know anything. You can goback and try and ask for information on that, but you haven’t met him or know anything. TALIESIN: I know one thing that’s a photosensitivething. If we need to make a fast escape I’d rather have some light maybe, if it’s something likethat. TRAVIS: Yeah. TALIESIN: Daytime’s better for that. Differentenvironment. TRAVIS: Good thinking. LAURA: So is it better to go now or tomorrowmorning? TALIESIN: I don’t know. TRAVIS and TALIESIN: Now. TRAVIS: How long does it take to get over to theTri-Spire area, find us a manhole? MATT: From where you are now, it’d take you maybethe better part of 45 minutes, better part of an hour. TRAVIS: Is it early afternoon or late afternoon? LAURA: Late afternoon, you said? MATT: It’s late afternoon. You’re probably aboutan hour and a half, two hours from sundown.TRAVIS: We’ll be fine. TALIESIN: I say we do it. TRAVIS: Yeah, why not? MARISHA: I mean, it will be dark after that. TALIESIN: I’m buzzed, and if I have another drinkI’m going to be more than buzzed. MARISHA: Oh yeah, let’s drink and fight. That’s agood idea. TRAVIS: We’re definitely going now. TALIESIN: I’m right where I want to be. I want a45-minute walk to get there. TRAVIS: Hey, let’s do it.You’ll walk your buzzoff. MARISHA: Let’s maybe stock up on some torches onthe way there. Nah, we don’t need torches, do we? LIAM: No. MARISHA: Not anymore. LIAM: No. TRAVIS: Not with your nerd goggles. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Do keep in mind, and this is my fault toofor not keeping track of it, but even with darkvision, you’re still seeing pretty low light.Long-distance perception checks without light, you’re still at disadvantage on them.I’ve beenbad about keeping track of that. LIAM: You’ve been bad. TALIESIN: We have a light spell, though, don’twe? LIAM: Yeah, that’s also dim light though as well.It’s not super bright. Unless I– TALIESIN: I must have a torch or something. MARISHA: I have one in my adventurer’s kit. LAURA: You have an adventurer’s kit? MARISHA: Yeah. TALIESIN: I have a tinder box. MATT: So you can turn things into torches. TALIESIN: I have a hooded lantern. ASHLEY: I have a tinder box too.I have a torch! MATT: (laughs) Everyone looks at their equipmentsuddenly! LIAM: This game is amazing! TALIESIN: I have all this stuff in this bag Inever opened. MATT: Well, all righty. What’s the plan? LAURA: Oh, I have an axe now! MATT: You do. You have a handaxe. TALIESIN: You’ve got a handaxe. LAURA: Yay! TALIESIN: Have you equipped it? LAURA: Yes. TALIESIN: Yeah, look at that. Oh, wow. TRAVIS: How about we casually make our way over,and as we’re doing that we can keep an eye out for kingsguard and see if they know of this guy? MARISHA: Copy. MATT: Are you guys making your way towards thatdirection? LAURA: Yeah. LIAM: I would like to keep my eye out for a decentclothing shop. MATT: Okay, fair enough. Make an investigationcheck for you as you guys travel and traverse the city. LIAM: That is 11. MATT: Yeah, along the way and keeping an eye out,asking a couple questions here and there, you eventually find a very basic clothingwearscompany. Nothing fancy, but just utility. Pants, worker’s shirts, gloves, and cloaks are available.So if you want to buy a cloak, you can do that.LIAM: I would like to get something that is brown,muted, nothing gaudy. Probably don’t have that anyway. MATT: Not in this one, no. Your choices are prettymuch brown, black, and gray, so you’re good. LIAM: I’ll take the brown one. Yeah. MATT: You’re good on that one. I do not recall ifthey had any pricing put down for cloaks.LIAM: It’s 50 gold. MATT: 600 gold pieces, please. Eh, it falls under whatwould be general common clothes, so I’ll put the cloak cost at two silver. LIAM: Okay. I have that. TALIESIN: A poor man could buy half a cloak. Halfa cloak between them. TRAVIS: One of those shitty dueling shawls thatthey throw off? MATT: Exactly. TALIESIN: I love it. SAM: Actually, what season is it? Are we north? Isit going to get cold? LAURA: It’s cold. MATT: The further north you go, yeah.Thisparticular area is pretty chilly, especially since you’re getting towards the end of fall. It’salmost Harvest Close in two weeks. You guys are hitting winter in the very near future.You would know this, too, that snowfall is fairly common throughout the winter here. SAM: Can you pick me up earmuffs? LIAM: Of course I can do that. I ask for thelargest size they have and I get a woolen cap as well. MATT: For both of those together? One silver piece. LIAM: Yeah, okay. I have that. ASHLEY: Are you going to take your ears and rollthem? SAM: That sounds amazing.I will do that. TRAVIS: Warren T. Rat in American Tail. MARISHA: Two sponge rollers. MATT: Perfect. Following that, the task boardcontract that you recovered and was assigned to you by the Herald of the Hall contains both theWrit of Lawmaster Intent, which is what will give you approval to travel into the sewer withoutbeing harried by the Crownsguard, and also gives you the location of the sewer that leads youthere. Following the basic instructions and asking around, you eventually find yourselves at thecorner of Ruen Road and Dewmist. LIAM: Ruin? MATT: Yeah. R-U-E-N. As you approach thisintersection, largely still cobblestone, a few that are missing and the dust has siftpockets to make it soft. The sky is still light, but you can see the sun just beginning to crest pastthe near walls, and familiar to the two of you, you guys are maybe two blocks away from the outer wall ofthe Tri-Spires. LAURA: Hey guys, we’re about two blocks away from theouter wall. We’re super close. MARISHA: All right. MATT: At the intersection, there are twocrownsguard that are stationed there that are keeping eyes and watching around.Off to theeastern side of that intersection, behind one of the poles that contain the lanterns that are lit atnight, you can see the cover that leads into the sewer below. It’s less of a sewer or manholecover, but there’s an open drain, and a latch and a small metal pole that prevents anyone from goinginto it. LIAM: Are there any clowns in it? MATT: Make a perception check. LIAM: That is a– why I’m looking it up– a ten. MATT: “You don’t see anything dangerous,Georgie.” TRAVIS: Oh, Jesus. Please no. MATT: As you begin to spend time staring throughthe grate and start deciding how to get into there, one of the Crownsguard stationed walks upand approaches quickly and goes, “Excuse me, can I “ask you what you’re doing here?” MARISHA: Oh, good! They came to us. TRAVIS: Yeah, this is your opportunity to shine.Get ’em.MARISHA: What? TRAVIS: Explain what we’re doing. MARISHA: All right, here’s what we’re doing. Wegot this whole writ thing from the Lawmaster. We’re going to go down, kill the monster that’s beentormenting you guys. Heard you lost a few guards. Heard any rumors? Do you know anything, before wego down there and maybe die? MATT: “I’ve heard a few things. It’s a–” MARISHA: Uh-huh. MATT: “Apparently there’s something down therethat’s been real scary and–” MARISHA: Come on, man. MATT: “I’m not fucking going down there.Youkidding me?” MARISHA: I’m not– why– MATT: “I only know what I’ve heard!” MARISHA: Did I ever ask you to come with us? Ijust asked for rumors, man. MATT: “No, I can open the grate.” MARISHA: Don’t put words in my mouth! MATT: “I wasn’t meaning to put words in–” MARISHA: Open the– What did you hear? MATT: He scratches his head over his helmet anddoesn’t realize he’s not getting to the itch. MARISHA: Stop with the nervous tics. Stop. MATT: “All I know is that apparently they lost acouple of guys down there and–” MARISHA: I know that.MATT: “One of them was pissing himself and ran.” MARISHA: That’s still not information on themonster. MATT: “Well, be my guest.” He pulls a key off of aring and goes down to the latch on the metal bar that blocks off the entry and pulls it open. LAURA: What guard was it that ran away? MATT: “I don’t fucking know! There’s a lot ofthem around here!” ASHLEY: Do you know how they were killed? Didanybody see any wounds? MATT: “They never recovered the body.” TRAVIS: Oh.ASHLEY: They never recovered the body. LAURA: They’re probably eaten completely by now. MATT: “Well, you’re welcome to go down there andcontinue.” SAM: Are all the sewer grates blocked with alock? MATT: “Yes, to prevent folks from wandering intothem.” LAURA: Oh no, but how will we get out? MATT: “Well, I’m stationed here for the nextseveral hours, so as long as you return–” SAM: To this one? MATT: “To this one. You’ll be fine.” LAURA: What if we get trapped at another one andthen we can’t get out? MATT: “Well, start shouting.Keep that writ on handand if there’s any crownsguard that hear you, “they’ll probably be able to let you out.” LAURA: Okay. TRAVIS: Seems reasonable enough. MARISHA: Is there a way to navigate the sewersystems? Any markings we should look out for? MATT: “I’m going to be honest, I haven’t been downthere. It smells real bad.” TRAVIS: Do you know if the sewers flooded any timeduring the day? Any sort of unexpected water flows? MATT: “I don’t think so. We haven’t had any heavyrainfall. I haven’t been able to hear more than a “trickle down there for a number of weeks.” MARISHA: Nothing about what kind of monster it is?No darkness? Tentacles? Big teeth? LIAM: Any sounds going on in there? MATT: “Nothing I’ve heard, no.” TRAVIS: When people ask you who were those brave soulsthat ventured into sewer, you tell them The Mighty Nein. SAM and LAURA: (whistle and intone theme of TheGood, The Bad, and The Ugly) MATT: “I understand. There’s seven of you.” SAM: Count again.LAURA: I move to the other side of Nott. LIAM: You have to think about it for a while. MATT: He looks genuinely overwhelmed by all theinformation and goes, “Good luck, and yell if you “need something.” (throat clearing) He pulls therest of the bar open and you guys have this space, about a foot and a half. TRAVIS: Who’s first? ASHLEY: I go. TRAVIS: Yeah! Get in there, tank! MATT: Yasha, as you climb down, immediately it drops, and your foot finds a rung.There’s a metallic bar that acts as a ladder. As you begin to lower yourselfdown, you can look to your left and right, and what little bit of daylight is coming throughhelps fill out some of the interior. You can see what looks to be maybe 15 or so feet across, from side to side, 15 to 20 feet from this wall to the other, slick stones, a slight curvature that leadsinto a base where there is a small ditch or a basin where old liquid is trickling through. Thereis a mild decline heading away from the direction you are and a mild incline heading in thedirection of the Tri-Spires. The smell is not pleasant, but you’re a tough chick, it’s neverbeen an issue. So you get yourself down, and it’s no more than ten feet to climb to the base of thisat the moment. You see from this spot where you’ve climbed down, the ceiling drops low to aboutten or so feet. You’re probably about 15 or 20 feet below the surface now.ASHLEY: I’ll take out my torch. I’ll light mytorch once I get down there. MATT: Your torch lights and the bright spacebegins to open up from side to side. LAURA: (yells) Do you see any monsters downthere? ASHLEY: I look around. (yells back) Everythinglooks good! MATT: Make a perception check. ASHLEY: Oh. (laughter) MATT: Spoke too soon. ASHLEY: I forgot how to play D&D! Everything looksgood! (screams) Uh-oh! LIAM: The boulder from Raiders. TRAVIS: Yasha? ASHLEY: Eight! Like I said, everything looks good! LIAM: Do you want Nott down there? It’s what youdo.You’re very good. ASHLEY: Yeah, come on down, Nott. SAM: Before I go, can I borrow that ring of waterwalking? LAURA: Oh, sure. Wait, which one was it? SAM: Not that one, that one, or that one. I knowwhat those are. LAURA: What about this one? SAM: Yeah. That’s it. (laughter) SAM: I don’t know if you have to attune to it, butI’m going. LAURA: You don’t. MATT: Yeah, you don’t have to. SAM: All right, I’ll go down there with Yasha. MATT. You climb down and join Yasha there. You cansee the slight decline behind you as it progresses away from the direction of where this current seems tohave happened.Once again, the smell is stagnant, a combination of waste product and whatever elsehas rotted and congealed down there. That smell of bacteria-filled liquid and water. Continuingupward, it curves a little bit to the right and out of sight with a faint bit of torchlight thatbounces off the slick wall. There is a weird humid warmness to the air down here. It’s not extremelypleasant. You don’t see anything else in here other than what look to be clusters of waste combined withsticks and whatever else has washed down here through previous storms and has begun to build upblockages here and there, maybe a foot, two feet across. SAM: Are we going to keep going? Or should we getthe– ASHLEY: We can wait until everybody gets down. LAURA: Can we come down? SAM: It’s fine! Just come down. TALIESIN: Coming down. ASHLEY: I keep looking. Keeping watch. Listening. MATT: You all eventually down into the sewergrate and then you hear the (metal scraping) (click) and the metal bar up top is closed. LAURA: He locked us in! TRAVIS: No, he just closed it, Jester.SAM: It’s a trap, we’re all going to die. ASHLEY: We won’t die. TRAVIS: What do we think? Go up or down? Up,right? LAURA: I think a monster would be down. SAM: Monsters are down. MARISHA: Can I do a look around to see if thereare any types of street marking for the sewers? MATT: Make an investigation check. TRAVIS: I put the glove of blasting on my lefthand. MARISHA: Natural 18.22, I believe. 22. MATT: Looking at right near the base of where therungs are, it looks like there are arrows that point each direction. The arrow to the right, which leadsupward, splits into three additional arrows. MARISHA: So one, two, three type of a thing. Whatabout the arrow to the left? MATT: It’s just a continuous arrow. TRAVIS: What the fuck did you just draw? MARISHA: This arrow splits into three arrows andthen– and it’s a penis. TRAVIS: If you ever make a road sign, people arefucked. That is– LIAM: That’s a Nintendo controller. TRAVIS: Yep. That’s some old fucking StreetFighter combo shit. TALIESIN: Up, up, down, down, left, right, left,right. MARISHA: Right, yeah. Also, there’s got to be an Aand B around here.All right, I guess there are more options this way or down deeper. TALIESIN: South. MARISHA: I mean, it is a sewer system. TRAVIS: You really want to go south? You two? TALIESIN: Always down. ASHLEY: Well, I feel like if you were a monster,you would go– LIAM: Go further away from people. TRAVIS: I like that logic. MARISHA: Or it could just be the main drainage outof the city. TALIESIN: That’s fair. TRAVIS: Bobby Tarantino territory. Let’s do it. Let’s gosouth. MARISHA: All right. LAURA: I feel like we’re walking in a stinkycrotch. Why?! TRAVIS: Asshole. (laughter) LAURA: The Traveler! LIAM and ASHLEY: No! LIAM: Everything’s going to be fine, Jester. MATT: Shh. Don’t spoil it! You guys begin to headsouthward. It’s a very faint decline. You can only tell it’s a decline in the sense that if youlook right or left you can see the water is trickling in the direction you’re traveling. Thetunnel continues for about 100 feet or so before it curves slightly to the right and then comes to anotherset of rungs and another sewer-top access.LIAM: Were we told that there was some sort ofwebbing? MATT: Yes, that was the only notable element ofwhat you were looking for. LIAM: I see. Any of that as we go? MATT: Perception check. MARISHA: I wrote down blockage, webbing, andnest. LIAM: 19. MATT: No sense of webbing, no. LAURA: Do we see any rats down here? MATT: At the moment, you don’t see anything moving,no. ASHLEY: Any tracks of any sort? MATT: Make an investigation check if you want to. ASHLEY: 13. MATT: You get down and look about, and you don’tsee any tracks by any means, but you notice that near where the water is– and it’s a faint trickleof water. The stream is about that wide, and you barely hear it moving past. You see elements ofsludge that has slowly congealed over time along the edges of this groove that guides the liquid,and you can see bits are pushed like something had moved through in the direction of where you were,but that’s it.LAURA: In the direction of where we came from? MATT: Angled like something slid and pushedthrough the water in the direction you came from. MARISHA: How big are those slide marks, Yasha? MATT: About four inches. MARISHA: Four inches? MATT: Yeah. You see one or two that slide out. LAURA: Does that mean we’re going the wrong way orthe right way? SAM: I’m going to get down and take a little bitof the smear and– LAURA: Ew! SAM: Do I taste anything? MATT: Make an intelligence check. SAM: 19. Plus five! No, plus three. MATT: It’s a combination of things. Youralchemical history and heightened goblin senses for waste product. There’s hints of excrement. LIAM: Know how much diarrhea blasting they did inthe Middle Ages? (groaning) MATT: No! No! No! No. All right. Um– SAM: It’s old diarrhea. MATT: Stop it, Sam! Okay. TALIESIN: This is your fault. MARISHA: There are people eating at home right now. MATT: There’s a hint of an iron aftertaste,something oxidizing somewhere in the water, or the water itself.A faint hint of sulphur from thewater and things breaking down in the water. Nothing that catches your immediate attentionexcept for — Oh my God, she’s no longer roleplaying! LAURA: Oh my God! I didn’t even put it together. LIAM: That’s all that’s in the haversack. LAURA: I just want this. MATT: Because you rolled so high, that faint ironaftertaste is familiar. SAM: Familiar? LAURA: Is it blood? MATT: It reminds you of when you’ve licked a woundor bit your lip. It’s very faint. Because you rolled that high, you’re like, hmm. SAM: This is bloody stool. (groaning) TALIESIN: How would you know that? SAM: I know this taste. I know it well. TRAVIS: Nobody is going to ask you why you knowthat. Just so we’re clear, you don’t need to explain anymore. SAM: It’s sort of like Pringles, where you justcan’t have one. LAURA: I might throw up. MATT: So what are you guys doing? SAM: So something’s been killed and dragged thatway. TRAVIS: I think maybe we should head back in theopposite direction.ASHLEY: In the area where we’re at, the only exitnow goes up another rung to the outside? MATT: Correct. Or continues on the direction youwere traveling. Looking at that set of rungs, you can see the arrows that are still marked there.There’s a singular arrow that goes in the direction where you came from, and the other arrowsplits into two. You get the sense that each of these indicates where the next, if you continuethat way, if it’s going to divide or be straight. Part of this network of sewers that have beenbuilt below Zadash long ago. TRAVIS: Since you’re tasting hemorrhoids in thewater, it’s probably coming from that direction. LAURA: Yeah, you’re right. MARISHA: The water seems to be moving towards thedirection we’re going? MATT: You were heading down, and the water’strickling in that direction.MARISHA: Go back the other way. LAURA: We turn around. TRAVIS: Let’s do it. MATT: You guys continue back to where you were andtraverse instead upwards. You guys had paid a little bit of attention when you were travelingtowards the Tri-Spire, but the entire city is not level. There are grades to it. It was built overhilly terrain, as most of this valley itself has all sorts of varying heights of hills and clustersof hills. The Tri-Spire is up on a raised hill within the city’s construct, so as you ascend inthe direction of the Tri-Spire, you get the sense that you’re not ascending too terribly much, butyou’re now just about underneath where the wall was.As it curves around a bit, you look ahead asYasha’s holding out her torch, and you can see a T-intersection of the sewer where it continues onstraight, or heads to the right, or to the left. LAURA: You should probably lick the groundeverywhere and see if you taste that blood anymore. MATT: You also see more of those clusters ofbuilt-up refuse that have created small masses in the ground where the water is pooling and makingits way around.LIAM: Blockages. MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: The curved surface of this area, can wesee the ceiling clearly or is it way above us? MATT: You can, yeah. And while the floor itself–the walls gradually come in and become a bit of a level platform and then descend into the ditchwhere the water is traversing, the ceiling is a continued curvature of it. It’s almost like atube. LAURA: Any webbing? MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: I’m going to look for footprints. MATT: You make an investigation check. LAURA: Perception? SAM: That’s a one. LAURA: 21. MATT: You see a very faint, barely shifting pieceof thin silk cheese cloth-like material that is barely visible on the cusp of the torchlight onthe right-hand side of that intersection. LAURA: Guys, guys, look, look! Bring the torchover! TRAVIS: Dust? LAURA: It’s a webbing! MATT: As we continue from this point, guys, I wantto know what your marching order is as you’re traversing forward.LIAM: Hey, I’m at the back. MATT: Right. We have Caleb at the back. LAURA: Maybe that would be bad, though. Maybe youshould be in the middle. Have you ever been at a haunted house? They come at you from behind! MARISHA: That’s true, the middle is the safest.I’ll take the front with Yasha, I’m assuming. SAM: I’ll be right behind them. TALIESIN: I’ll be with you. TRAVIS: Yeah. Swords in the middle. MATT: Nott, you’re in the middle with them? SAM: Middle-rear. MATT: Jester, where are you? LAURA: I guess I’ll be right behind Molly. MATT: There we go. So you go up and inspect theweb? LAURA: Yeah! MATT: You guys head up with the torch. You comeinto the intersection. The water is coming down from the path in front of you, directly across.The left-hand tunnel continues for about 40 or 50 feet before it curves off and goes upward again,almost a parallel path.There’s water trickling down there that’s all meeting here. To the right,where this webbing is, there is no water. It is a dry ditch. LAURA: I bet that’s where we need to go. It’sblocked. ASHLEY: Can I touch a little bit of the webbingwith the flame? MATT: Sure. You bring the torch to the webbing andwatch as it burns away in a few seconds and turns to ash and dust. There’s also a very faintscratching sound.TALIESIN: I’m activating one. I’m pulling a handdown one of my swords and I’m getting it to light up. MATT: You activate one of them. As it lights up,you bring the torch around to look. MARISHA: Putting my goggles on. TRAVIS: I’m going to go ahead and cast Armor ofAgathys, get on the spectral frost armor. MATT: As the armor filters up onto you, the weird,warm, humid air of the sewer interior seems to crystallize against your armor.The ice thatnormally gives a translucent bluish-white color has a strangely yellow-green tint to it. MARISHA: Poop-mist! TRAVIS: It’s the snowcone variety. SAM: As I see everybody doing this, I’m going totake a big swig of liquor. MATT: Okay. You take a quick swig. You guys lookout in the distant tunnels and you see nothing. TRAVIS: Scratching sound’s a rat and we’re alllike (whimper). MARISHA: (squeaking) MATT: It’s funny. As you glance down at theground, though, one of those small clusters of refuse shifts a little bit. And shifts again. LAURA: (whispering) What is it? MARISHA: I take a ball bearing– LAURA: Poke it with your stick! MATT: I say little. It’s a few feet across.They’ve gotten larger as you’ve progressed on. MARISHA: I’m going to take a ball bearing and pingit. LAURA: How close is it to us? MATT: There’s a bunch up in the hall around youright now.As you throw the ball bearing and it hits, some of it breaks away, and you see horriblematted fur. There’s a flash in the torchlight where you see two eyes reflect through, and youhear this sound (shriek). You watch as fangs open up, and a bunch of the other clusters of gatheredrefuse all suddenly begin to shift and skitter in your direction. I need you all to rollinitiative. ALL: (exclaiming) LAURA: We’re fighting poop-rats! MARISHA: It’s a hairball. TALIESIN: Oh my god. LAURA: That’s what happens when I rollone that I haven’t been charging up. SAM: Yep, yep. It’s definitely because of that. Look at this sewer! Is that real wet? LAURA: It just looks wet. MARISHA: It’s like resin.MATT: We had you guys up here. TRAVIS: It’s actual shit. LAURA: Matt is very committed. MARISHA: It’s reality seeping into our game alittle bit. MATT: All righty. LAURA: Oh no! See, Caleb, look, you should’ve beenin the middle of us! MATT: All of these sewer-faring giant rats beginto rush towards you. Their fur seems to have, over time, merged with other bits of discarded debrisand matter, causing this outer shell of broken garbage, trash, and excrement that protects themand gives this look of a horrible, half-burned pile of compost with teeth and fur rushing in yourdirection.On that note. ASHLEY: I love that we’re fighting rats rightnow. MARISHA: I know! It’s so Baldur’s Gate. I loveit. LAURA: (chanting) Level three! MATT: For initiative here, guys, let’s start with25 to 20. Anyone? LAURA: Oh shit, really? MATT: Oh damn. SAM: 20. TRAVIS: 20 as well. Natural 20. MATT: You rolled a natural 20? What’s yourinitiative? TRAVIS: Zero. MATT: Oh, that’s right. We have Nott and Fjord. 20to 15? ASHLEY: 17. MARISHA: 19. TRAVIS: I’m a limited fucking warlock. MARISHA: (chanting) Level three! MATT: 15 to 10. ASHLEY: Oh shit. MATT: 10 to five. LAURA: Eight. TALIESIN: Six. ASHLEY: No, I know. I’m one to talk. LAURA: No, mine was nine! TRAVIS and MARISHA: Nine! MATT: Molly, what was yours? TALIESIN: Six. MATT: All righty. LIAM: Vier. LAURA: It might’ve been eight. Let’s just make iteight because I can’t remember if I rolled a five or a six.MATT: It’s fine. It doesn’t matter in the order.At the top, all of them start rushing in, their eyes glaring as they shift past the torch thatYasha’s holding. There’s probably six, maybe seven in the vicinity at a quick glance around you, andthey’re all rushing in your direction. Nott and Fjord, you guys are up first. TRAVIS: I turn to see where all of them are inrelation to the party. Are there any sons of bitches over here that I can’t see? MATT: At the moment, you don’t see any.TRAVIS: Okay, great. I turn around and I see Calebbeing flanked by two of them, and I know he is super squishy. Can I run towards this rat? MATT: You can. TRAVIS: Can I reach back with my hand and– MATT: That rat there gets an attack of opportunityas you swipe out of its range first. That is going to be a 15, actually, not bad. TRAVIS: That hits. MATT: That hits! LAURA: You just got bit by a rat,running away. MATT: As it snaps out at you, you takefive points of piercing damage. As it bites out, you feel its teeth sink into the back of your calfmuscle, through the armor and into the back of the thick running muscle.The pain strikes throughyou. You yank your foot away and you feel something tear. You can feel the blood runningdown the back of your leg and inside your boot as you feel the pounding of the very dirty bite thatit’s left in the back of your leg. TRAVIS: The rat takes ten points of frost damage. MATT: As you pull away from it, the pounding painof your leg is also accompanied by the sudden sound of a rat shattering into ice pieces againstthe ground and disintegrating. As it bites and sinks its teeth into you, the thing suddenlycrusts over with a similar type of strange, yellowish-green ice before it T-1000 shattersacross the floor of the inside of the sewer. Continuing your round. TRAVIS: I reach back to strike the rat. As my handcomes down, I’ll summon the falchion into my hand and strike down. MATT: In one sweep, an empty hand apparates, andwater springs out from the grasp as it slams down.Go ahead and roll for an attack. LAURA: Is it also yellow water? MATT and TRAVIS: No. TRAVIS: It’s a 14. MATT: A 14 hits. You can roll damage. TRAVIS: It was one-handed, so 1d8. Ten points of damage. MATT: As you sweep down, you completely bisect therat with your blade. It screams out in this loud, heavy, horrible, monstrous squeak. You’re not usedto hearing what normally is a small rodent sound, but amplified from a larger, bulbous, mutated formthat it now has. As you impact, you see it cut in half. It releases this putrid cloud of whatevergases its body holds in it. I need you to make a constitution saving throw, please. TRAVIS: Oh, shit. TRAVIS: Nine, 13.MATT: You manage to hold your breath and back outof it as it dissipates around you. That finishes your turn? TRAVIS: Yes, it does. LAURA: Fjord! Why you got to fart while we’refighting? TRAVIS: I got nervous! SAM: There’s a couple rats within range of myallies, right? So that I could get sneak attack? MATT: Correct! There’s one right there. Each oneof these is considered one spot between you. SAM: Okay, I’ll disengage, back away down thathall that way, get far enough away, then turn around back, go (whimper), and fire my crossbow atthe one next to Jester. No, that’s Molly. MATT: Right there. Okay, go for it. Roll forattack. SAM: 15 plus four, I think? MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage. SAM: Okay. That’s a lot of d6s. Right? Yeah.Okay, so. 15. MATT: It rears back and goes to leap in the airtowards Molly’s face. It gets maybe two inches off the ground before your bolt sinks right throughits skull, emerges on the other side, and it spins in the air. The momentum of its leap striking themomentum of your bolt, and there’s a spray of blood in the air. This noxious cloud of gasemerges from the wound that’s left in the side of its throat. I need Molly, Beau, and Yasha to makeconstitution saving throws, please. MARISHA: Not fun. (groaning) ASHLEY: Oh no. SAM: It’s a small hole the bolt makes. MATT: It’s like popping a balloon. It (explosion).They seem, based on the bacteria and whatever they’ve been living in, to be carrying a largeamount of this gas in their body.What’d you get? MARISHA: Natural one. ASHLEY: Eight. TALIESIN: 16. MATT: Molly, you pull away for the moment and putyour coat over the front and block it. The two of you, unintentionally, it gets into your nose, itstings your eyes, you both take three points of poison damage. LAURA: Oh no. ASHLEY: Shit. MARISHA and TRAVIS: (gagging) MATT: Finished your turn, Nott? SAM: That’s it.MATT: Beau, you’re up. As you’re coughing, it’sstinging all of your senses, and you right yourself and prepare for your turn. MARISHA: Oh sorry. Hang on, I’m taking damage.One, two, three– apply damage. I’m going to take this one that is in between, closest to me andYasha, and I’m going to do a big ol’ golf swing with my quarterstaff. Not that dice, you were meanto me. Ooh, that’s good! 22 to hit. MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage. MARISHA: Oh no, that’s a four. I thought that wasa one for a second. Eight damage. MATT: Eight damage. Angrily, in response to this,you sweep down with a giant golf swing of your staff, and as it hits, it impacts, bludgeons theside of its body.It gets slammed, hits the wall, and falls to the ground. Some of the gas seeps outof its body, but it isn’t exposed. It is dead, but the method of damage delivery seemingly didn’tdisturb whatever was contained within its body. MARISHA: Interesting. I still have my otherattack, yeah? Can I move in and kick that guy? MATT: Over which one? MARISHA: Yeah, that one. I’m going to rat kick.Rat kick. Natural 20! MATT: Jesus! MARISHA: Come on, give me that big ol’ four–That’s a one! Six damage. MATT: You rush up and critically kick this rat inthe side of its body. Wham! You feel breaks and bones, or might be sticks, might be whatever elsehas created this shell of debris about its body. It gives this screeching sound as falls over ontoits side and then gets back in its place. It’s hurting, it’s barely holding itself in place, butit’s angry and ready to snap back at you.MARISHA: I reach over to Yasha and I go– MATT: And it is Yasha’s turn, actually. ASHLEY: Yeah. Wait, is this a dog next to Caleb,what is this? MATT: No, those are all rats. I didn’t have asmany rat minis for this. Use your imagination! TRAVIS: (laughing) I have reservations aboutkilling a sewer dog. ASHLEY: Okay, I think– MATT: You get the idea. ASHLEY: I think she’s got this, so– I don’t wantanything to happen to Caleb. Can I get to any of the ones over by him? MATT: You have enough movement to get to any ofthose. ASHLEY: Okay, so I’ll move over to one of those.Let’s go to the one closest to him. MATT: Over here? One, two, three. ASHLEY: I’m going to– Wait, so slashing– sobludgeoning keeps it from– LIAM: From breaking open. ASHLEY: I’m going to rear back and punch it. MATT: Okay, go for it. Make an attack roll. SAM and MARISHA: Punch it. MATT: Yasha the rat puncher! You’re not raging,right? It’s just a regular attack.ASHLEY: 23. MATT: That hits. So it takes one point of damage,plus whatever your strength modifier is. LAURA: That’s good. TALIESIN: Don’t you have a– Actually, you’ve gotan unarmed strike. ASHLEY: Unarmed strike, yeah. LAURA: I look like I have an unarmed strike too,but I don’t think I do. ASHLEY: One, plus your strength modifier. MATT: Yep. TALIESIN: So that means you can do four points ofdamage. Technically, it’s not one point, it’s four points– MATT: Well, it’s one point, and then she adds herstrength modifier to it.So four, yeah. So it takes four points of damage. As you bludgeon it,you hold the sword with one hand– Or your sword’s probably still sheathed at this point, you’reholding the torch in one hand, so you rush up and fist-punch it. ASHLEY: Do I get– I don’t because I moved– do Iget a bonus action? (mumbling) Still trying to figure this out. LIAM: Is the torch in your punching hand? MATT: It’s not a light weapon, it’s not a weaponyou can off-hit with it. ASHLEY: Can I just touch it? Set it aflame? MATT: You could’ve if that was your action, butyou’ve already punched it.However, you did straight up rush up and cold-cock deck a sewer ratin the face. Once again, you feel the crunching right behind it as it falls over and gets back up,its jaw’s hanging off to one side, and it has this horrible gurgling sound as it screams at you. Acombination of this reddish blood and whatever putrid green liquid is mixing and pouring out ofits mouth. ASHLEY: I move my cloak to– MATT: Okay, that ends your turn then, right? Allright, it’s now their turn. This one is going to shift around, painfully limping to get down andtry to bite out towards your legs. This one’s going to move, still in combat with you, and goafter– actually no, because you punched it, it’s going to continue after you. This one is going tocome after you as well, since you rushed up in its way. So the one coming after Beau. That is goingto be a 15. MARISHA: Miss. MATT: Misses. You duck out of the way. The twoagainst you is a 16? ASHLEY: Mm-hmm. MATT: That hits? ASHLEY: Mm-hmm. MATT: All right, and a 17. Both hit.So you take,from that first one, six points of piercing damage as it leaps up and actually– ASHLEY: I have resistance to piercing. MATT: You’re not raging. ASHLEY: Oh, you have to be raging? MATT: Yeah, that’s resistance from the rage.That’s okay. ASHLEY: Okay, got it. MATT: You can use a bonus action on your turn torage if you want to. ASHLEY: Got it, okay. MATT: It’s okay. So you take six points ofpiercing damage. As it bites up and you put your arm in the way and it clamps onto your forearm, itbegins tearing.You shove it off and it lands onto the ground, spins, and gets back to its feet. Theother one, you take four points of piercing damage. As you shove that one off, the other oneleaps onto your back and begins snapping at the back of your neck and shoulders, and you shove itback onto the ground, and it readies itself for another strike as they’re slowly swarming aroundyou. Ending their turn now, Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Okay. I’m going to run up to the one thatjust attacked Yasha. Yeah, and I’m going to hit it with my handaxe because I’m not very smart. MATT: Go for it. This is the one that’s alreadybeen punched too, so you rush up with your handaxe and swing. Go and make an attack roll. TRAVIS: You could flip it blade-up. LAURA: That definitely hits. That’s 21. MATT: Yeah, that hits. Go and roll damage. LAURA: That’s a seven.MATT: Seven points of damage. The rat that’s faceis already broken, even when it managed to bite towards Yasha earlier, it was mostly dragging itstop fangs across the side of her forearm as its jaw would not actually snap shut. You finish theblow by taking the axe, swiping down. As you do, you carve into its body and a cloud of poisondissipates from its torso area. I need Yasha, Caleb, and you, Jester, to make constitutionsaving throws, please.LAURA: Aw, you see it was like, (strains) no, fuckyou. ASHLEY: 19. MATT: Okay. You manage to hold yourself off, notbeing taken into it a second time. LIAM: Eight. MATT: Five points of poison damage to you as youaccidentally inhale a spray of it into your face, you’re like (gasping). TRAVIS: It’s in my mouth! MATT: Five? You also take five points of poisondamage. LAURA: Oh no. SAM: Tomato juice bath. (laughter) TRAVIS: That shit doesn’t work. TALIESIN: No, it doesn’t help. MATT: That end your turn, Jester? LAURA: I think so. MATT: Okay, so you finish coughing. LAURA: Wait! Yeah, I don’t want to use that justyet. MATT: Okay, then Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: I see the mess this is making, and I’mgoing to turn around and I’m holding the sword, but I’m going to punch with the hilt of my sword. MATT: Go for it. Which one are you going up to,the one that Beau kicked earlier? TALIESIN: No, the one that attacked Yasha. MATT: Okay, go for it. Roll a d20 and add yourstrength bonus.TALIESIN: Plus my strength, my non-existentstrength modifier. That’s a 12 to hit. MATT: 12 just hits. TALIESIN: That’s one damage! MATT: You deal one point of damage to that one. Asyou reach down and sock it in the head– TALIESIN: I can take a bonus attack though, andI’m going to hit it again. MATT: Go for it. TALIESIN: 12. MATT: Well, are you attacking with your– TALIESIN: Well, I’m using my other hand, sincetechnically I have two attacks, it’s not two– MATT: You have two attacks with the light weaponon the side, technically.Eh, I’ll allow it. It’s fine, go for it. TALIESIN: It’s another point of damage. MATT: Okay, so it takes two points of damage. Sonow you guys are rat punching. You guys are going through and punching the fuck out of rats. TRAVIS: Punching the fuck out of rats. MATT: Repeatedly decking the face– TRAVIS: Fuck you, you dirty rat. MATT: Your knuckles are bleeding a little bit.It’s not really enough to damage you, but as you’re punching down, you’re hitting slick oiledfur and jagged points of broken wood and whatever else has jammed itself into its matted fur.Butyou’ve managed to hit it a couple of times and it’s taken a little bit of damage, but it’s stilllike (snarls). It looks very cornered and lashing out now. That ends your turn, Molly. Caleb, you’reup. LIAM: I would like to start backing up towards, inthis direction, towards Nott, away. LAURA: Oh no.LIAM: Oh no. I would use a Caleb bonus action todry heave and then I will use my action to cast Fire Bolt towards the rat by Yasha. MATT: By Yasha, go for it. Roll for the attack. LIAM: Ja. (groans) That it is a– oh no, that’sokay. It’s a 13. MATT: 13 hits. Go and roll damage on the FireBolt. It’s a d10, right? LIAM: Ja, d10. It’s five hit points of damage. MATT: Five? Between the punches you gave it,that’s enough to finish it. (cheering) MATT: As you run back, you finish dry heaving andthen release the bolt of fire. It rockets past, the sewer walls light up in succession down,following the streak of flame through. As it impacts, there’s a burst and, what would have beenthe gas that is released from its body, incinerates from the fire damage and does notaffect anyone surrounding it. All righty, finishing Caleb’s turn, that brings us to the top.Nott and Fjord. LAURA: Are there more rats? MATT: There is one more over here that’s limpingnext to Beau.SAM: Where’s our order? TRAVIS: It’s down here! It’s rats, we’re not usingthat shit. (laughter) SAM: All right. Nott will go forward next to Caleband peer around, and fire another crossbow. MARISHA: Oh no, I got it! God! SAM: I know! I haven’t been in any gas, I don’tknow what’s going on. All I can see is you guys going (yelling) like weirdos. So I’ll fire. MATT: Go for it.MARISHA: Aw, too helpful. You’re being toohelpful! SAM: 18. MATT: 18 hits. Roll damage. SAM: There’s sneak attack damage too, right? MATT: Yep. SAM: That’s a lot. In the teens. MATT: How do you want to do this? SAM: I guess I will– TRAVIS: Ray! (laughter) TALIESIN: Way to date yourself right there. SAM: If there’s a way to pin the rat to the wall,I’ll do that. MATT: Okay. As you turn around the side of Caleb,putting your second bolt in, spinning around, firing, it strikes the side of it, and where youhit it in the side, there’s this large pocket of stretched rat skin where it’s pulled so far thatthe fur itself is disparate and you can see the peach flesh beneath the fur.As it hits, it(explosion). It’s a combination of force from both the blow of the bolt and the propulsion of therelease of gas that sprays right in the direction of Beau. I need you to make another constitutionsaving throw, please. TRAVIS: Save. You got it, smash it. You’re rollingthe bad dice again. MARISHA: It rolled a natural one again! Laura, putit in jail. MATT: That’s okay, you only take one point ofpoison damage, I rolled really low for that one. LAURA: It’s really pretty though, what a prettydie. MARISHA: (whimpering) I know. MATT: You take one point of poison damage. MARISHA: Okay. LIAM: Everyone’s catching their disease here. LAURA: Oh no, Matt! Wait, how do we know wherewe’re going, though? How will we choose? MATT: I’ll leave this here as a visual aid, sure. TALIESIN: You worked to make it so nice. MATT: This is the direction you guys had come infrom, so the liquid is traveling down this way, and then down this way, and there is no liquidfrom the side, and the web that you had destroyed is up in this corner.LAURA: Okay, we go that way. MATT: You’re going to go in this direction? LIAM: Before we move, I am standing with twoflickering Calebs next to me and all three of us look at Molly like Jim from The Office and they goaway. (laughter) LAURA: Oh no, how hurt is everyone? TRAVIS: You gotta look in the camera. TALIESIN: I did. TRAVIS: Oh good, yeah. ASHLEY: I mean, I’m 19 out of 32.LAURA: Right? I should do a Cure Wounds on you. ASHLEY: I’ll take it. LAURA: Okay. I cast Cure Wounds on Yasha! LIAM: What were you down to? ASHLEY: 19. LAURA: That’s above your whole– LIAM: Yeah, that’s my max. ASHLEY: That’s your max?! LIAM: Yeah. I’m sitting at 14. ASHLEY: Well, it’s good I took the hits, youknow? LIAM: Yeah, that’s your job. LAURA: That’s why I said it. Eight points. MATT: In comparison to some of the scents you’veencountered in this conflict, suddenly the rest of the sewer doesn’t smell as bad. TRAVIS: Yup. Nostrils are burned right the fuckout. MATT: Yeah. LAURA: Oh. How hurt are you, Beau? MARISHA: I’m all right. I’m only down five hitpoints. LAURA: Oh, okay. Let me know, you guys, becauseI’ve got lots of healing! Because I’m the cleric. TALIESIN: Seriously, Caleb, how are you? LIAM: Ah, you know, I’ve been worse. It’s okay.I’m okay.TALIESIN: If we hit you really hard, would youstill be standing up right now? LIAM: If who hits me very hard? TALIESIN: That’s a good question, I hadn’t reallythought about that. LIAM: If she hits me very hard, I am a dead man.If she hits me very hard, I’m probably okay. SAM: I would never hit you! LIAM: I know, that’s just– you know, it’s justa– SAM: I care for you, Caleb. LIAM: You have a monster on your chest. ASHLEY: Are you very scared? LIAM: Generally, are you asking me? ASHLEY: Just right now? LIAM: Right now? No, because I am with all of you,and those were just mice. SAM: I am extremely scared right now, but I thinkthat we killed the monster and we can go back to surface now, right? ASHLEY: I don’t think that that was the monster.SAM: That was clearly something down here that’sbeen killing people. LAURA: I think something’s making those thingslike that. LIAM: The rats are not making webbing. There’ssomething else. LAURA: Oh god, what if it’s a giant spider? LIAM: It’s probably a giant spider. LAURA: And it’s infecting the rats. (whispering)And they’re turning into poisoned– SAM: Spiders don’t like rats, do they? TALIESIN: Rat spiders! Ooh! ASHLEY: I don’t understand why those rats were– LAURA: Poison balloons? ASHLEY: (chuckling) Yes. SAM: Did you see the one that kind of looked likea dog, though? That was freaky. TALIESIN: At first, I thought it was some sort ofevil gassy dog. LIAM: Well, I would theorize that perhaps theirdiet is 20% food and 80% diarrhea, so it’s not very surprising that they explode into fecalmatter.MARISHA: Can I bend down and, covering with myvest a little bit, see if I can search and figure out exactly what these things are made out of? MATT: Okay. As you push through one of the openwounds from one of the ones that was cut through by either Jester or Fjord. I’d say about a thirdof the body mass is an assembled shell of refuse. The interior of it appears to be rat oranimal-like. General array of organs, though a lot of them have a colorless gray or beige appearanceto them, and a lot of them look to be in various stages of necrosis, and there’s a lot of infectioninside.TRAVIS and LAURA: (groaning) MATT: Yeah, it’s pretty nasty. MARISHA: Guys, I think these are undead rats. LAURA: I think they’re full of pus! TALIESIN: Are they undead rats? MATT: You can go ahead and make an intelligencecheck. TALIESIN: With advantage? MATT: With advantage. TALIESIN: All right. Where’s my intelligence–there we are. That’s a– no, that’s a nine. MATT: Nine. TALIESIN, TRAVIS, LAURA, and ASHLEY: Nein! LIAM: You could just say nine. MATT: You would know enough, from the knowledgethat you have, that while there is necrosis in there, it doesn’t look like its fully in there.These things are– TALIESIN: Mostly undead? MATT: Or at least, they were alive up until amoment ago. These infections, when they continued for a period of time, probably not for long. MARISHA: Zombie rats?! LAURA: Just really infected rats.LIAM: No, they had pinkeye in all their parts. TRAVIS: You know this really isn’t what we need.This is only the appetizer, maybe we should try to find the main course. LAURA: We should keep going. Should we be moresneaky, or should we just walk? ASHLEY: Yeah, maybe we should be sneaky. TRAVIS: Yeah, I think stealth would be a goodidea. TALIESIN: Let’s be sneaky. TRAVIS: To the right. MATT: To the right, okay. You do get a glance withyour torchlight, Yasha, as you glance up the path across the way, and the path that curves aroundthe side, and you do see a few other similar collections. Though not moving, or not reacting tothe vicinity of where you are. Even glancing at the ones who were fighting you, you can see uponcloser look that their eyes are snowblind, or infected to the point where they were verynearsighted, or close to blind.The patches in the distance you can see aren’t reacting you yourpresence. LAURA: We could set them on fire from a distance. TRAVIS: Or just don’t disturb them. LAURA: Yeah, but what if they all spring up. Wecould just set them on fire. SAM: Are we going that way? MATT: No, you’re going that way. SAM: We’re going a different way. LAURA: Okay then, let them live, and die inhorrible pain. TALIESIN: Yes. MATT: (laughs) I’d like you to all roll stealthchecks, please. SAM: Stealth checks! Can you help someone there,Jester? LAURA: Oh yeah, here you go! SAM: Not me, I don’t need it. LAURA: Who is the most noisy of us all? Which oneof you fuckers needs some help? ASHLEY: I rolled shit for stealth, so it wouldn’tdo me any good. LAURA: Well here, take an advantage. ASHLEY: Oh. MATT: I’ll let it happen. Usually you have to givethat before they roll so you don’t know. LAURA: Just kidding. ASHLEY: Should I take up the rear? LIAM: You’re coming back after a break.MATT: It’s fine. ASHLEY: 15? MATT: 15 is better. TALIESIN: 12. LAURA: Hold on, I have to check– SAM: Ten. Not so good. LAURA: Eight. Not so good. LIAM: 16. MARISHA and TRAVIS: 18. MATT: Okay. As you guys continue down the rightpathway, you continue further and find the clusters of makeshift bits of discarded materialbegin to give way as about 20 feet ahead of you, the torchlight begins to refract and reflectagainst some sort of soft material that is drifting and enclosing a portion of the walkway.You see ahead of you a majority of the tunnel is currently blocked, other than a small path on theright side of it, by a dense webbing of some kind. LAURA: Let’s set it on fire! MATT: You see a large knot, or a– not a Nott, aknot of webbing as well, that is held aloft a foot off the ground. MARISHA: It’s the egg sack. SAM: Or a body. LAURA: Or it could be somebody that’s being slowlysucked dry of all their blood.MARISHA: You’re totally right. LAURA: Should we set it on fire, or should we seeif it’s living? TALIESIN: I think we should try to cut it down incase it’s a person. LAURA: Is it wiggling at all? MATT: Make a perception check. LAURA: 15. MATT: 15? It does not appear to be moving. LAURA: I think it’s dead. SAM: You think its dead? LAURA: Or it’s sedated. ASHLEY: What if we (blows air)? SAM: Should we go try to cut it down? Withoutalerting them. TRAVIS: You normally touch a spider’s web, theycome running. MARISHA: That’s true. LIAM: I have read a lot of books. Lots of them.Have I ever read anything about the science of larger insectoid creatures? MATT: Possibly insectoids. This would not be,technically, an insect. LIAM: Okay, but it’s not familiar to me? MATT: I mean, it’s webbing. There are manycreatures in nature that use webbing in different forms and types. LIAM: Like YouTubers. MATT: Yes, there’s that too. Glancing at this, themass that is encased in the webbing is about this big.LAURA: It’s a dog. MATT: It’s about dog-sized. TALIESIN: Or a rat. ASHLEY: Is it close enough to us? MATT: It’s about 20 feet ahead of you. TRAVIS: Can we see a past that into any furtherclumps of webbing? MATT: Make a perception check with disadvantage,because it does go beyond the torch threshold. MARISHA: It doesn’t appear to be human-sized. MATT: That one does not, no. MARISHA: That one does not. TRAVIS: 14. MATT: Looking past, you can see layers of webbingcontinue for about, what you can see, 20 feet beyond that. It looks to be an even heavier wallof it behind that completely blocks continued access into that chamber. You can see two othermuch larger clusters of webbing that are wrapped around something. ASHLEY: Are we able to get to this lump? MATT: You can get to it, yeah. ASHLEY: Or do we have to go through some of theweb? MATT: There’s bits of it that are drifting below.You see that it does shift every now and then. It looks like there’s some sort of a breeze comingthrough, faint as it is. That’s why, from the webbing that is currently held aloft between theceiling and the floor and the left wall, from your perspective, the first one you see, every now andthen you see it faintly shift, as if a breeze or water moves through.TRAVIS: Do we have to break any of the planes ofwebbing to get to this cluster? MATT: To get to this one? No. LAURA: Let’s cut it down. ASHLEY: Maybe we can look at it up closer? MATT: You can. TALIESIN: I’m going to try to very gently, maybe,with everyone’s permission I’m going to gently start cutting into the bottom of it, not toodeeply. SAM: Wait! Should we get ready for some sort ofdistraction or to do something to the other web first? TALIESIN: I’m sorry, do you have a plan? SAM: No, no, I just– TALIESIN: Well, all right then. I keep movingdownward. MATT: Okay, is this the one with your activatedrite? TALIESIN: Yes. MATT: And the rite you activated was? TALIESIN: It was the radiant rite.MATT: The Rite of the Dawn. As his scimitar, whichis now glowing with this faint radiant light energy, it almost burns through as you carvethrough. Slowly, it’s not an easy cut, but you do carve through. As you do, the webbing begins tocurl back and blacken at the edges. As it pulls away, you see something furry and fleshy. As youpull it back a few more inches, you watch as a rat head, lolls out, a tongue falling out the side. Itlooks to be dry, it looks to be bereft of any sort of internal liquid or life. LAURA: That’s good to know. That means thehuman-sized ones are probably fucked up too. ASHLEY: Yeah, that’s probably true.TALIESIN: Or they haven’t been eaten yet. LAURA: How long ago did they say the guards wentdown and didn’t come back? TRAVIS: Quite a while, but I’ll remind you thatour mission is not to retrieve any guards. It’s to kill this beast. LIAM: If we kill the beasts that are down here,then it might be worthwhile to also check the bodies of the guards, you know, because they’renot going back to the to their families, you following me? TRAVIS: That was dark and angry. SAM: Steal from the dead bodies? LIAM: Well, they’re not going to use it. SAM: I agree. Yeah. TALIESIN: I’ll work with that. TRAVIS: Shall we move forward to the first planeof webbing that would hinder our movement? LIAM: Just a suggestion, we don’t have to do this,I’m not even sure how I feel about it, but I have just learned how to create a somewhat spectralservant to me, one that is unseen.I could send it in to poke about and if anything is going tohappen, it could happen to it first, instead of us. SAM: I like that idea. TRAVIS: Does it interact with the environment? LIAM: Yeah, it could poke at things and you know. MARISHA: Would it move the webbing as it wentthrough? LIAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: What do we like more? Poking the webbing,or sending it up in flame? MARISHA: I agree with Fjord. I think we we startpoking around, that thing’s going to come running. TRAVIS: Might as well– SAM: But then we’ll get to see it, and get thedrop on it. LIAM: If you burn its web it will do the samething. LAURA: Yeah. What if we back up and burn it? TRAVIS: My way of thinking is what if that web issticky as shit.I don’t want to get caught in it. LAURA: That’s why I said; why don’t we back up andburn it? LIAM: I think that’s actually a very good idea. TALIESIN: Let’s try and not set fire to the humanshaped things. SAM: Yeah. What if they’re still alive? LAURA: Well, Caleb, how about you send yourspectral servant to poke at the little masses of human and see if they start wiggling? LIAM: Okay. Also, I will say that, you wereworried about burning their dead bodies. But if we burn the dead bodies they might burn, we’re notgoing to help them, but if any coin have, or any items that are magical in nature will be fine.Soit’s okay. SAM: Oh, yeah, that’s good. ASHLEY: The thing is, if we kill them, I mean,we’re putting them out of their misery. You know. LAURA: They’ll probably end up as giant pus sacksif they survive. ASHLEY: Yeah, they’re probably already– SAM: Or maybe they just were wrapped up fiveminutes ago, and they’re totally fine. LIAM: Yeah, that’s possible. This thing that I cando, this servant that I can make, It’s not going to be able to open these things. It’s very weak. LAURA: I said poke it. Then if they wiggle, thenwe know that they’re alive. LIAM: That’s true. TRAVIS: How about a poke and then a flame? TALIESIN: Poke and wiggle. Then a flame. ASHLEY: I think if they start moving, this thing’sgoing to– TALIESIN: Well, it knows that they’re alive— ASHLEY: But then we’ll get eyes on it.TALIESIN: So I’m sure they wiggle every now andthen anyway. TRAVIS: That way Nott doesn’t have bad dreams thatwe burn some people that are still alive and then we can set it all on fire. MARISHA: Oh, no, that was Caleb who was freakedout by fire. TRAVIS: Oh, right. MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: Do it, Caleb! LIAM: I pull a stick out of my coat, and I hold itbetween thumb and pinky like this, and there’s a string wrapped around it, and I take my fingers,and I pull along the string, which begins to glow a faint gold glow, and a being, same height, andabout same skinny-ass proportions as myself appears before me.MATT: Well, it does not appear. LIAM: It doesn’t appear? You tell me, becauseyou’re the dungeon master. MATT: It’s unseen, but you sense its presencearrive. LAURA: It’s unseen. ASHLEY: Oh, that’s what that means. MATT: On the dry, dust-covered floor of thisinterior part of the sewer, where the temperature has dropped and is a little less humid in thisarea, there are two small plumes of dust on the ground and you sense the servant has arrived. LAURA: I go up and I push it. MATT: Okay, you put your hand forward and it’slike hitting the back of someone’s back, but there’s nothing there and it catches you offguard, you’re like “What the heck?” It feels somewhat amorphous, like a heavy wind pushback fora second, but there’s no wind and there’s no whipping of force around your arm. It’s verystrange. LAURA: I think your unseen servant farted on me. LIAM: Well the rats have already started. SoSchmidt, I want you to go to these larger bundles and give them a little pokey-poo. MATT: All right, Schmidt goes past– (laughter) MATT: You sense this– the first webbing barricadewhich has a small five-foot space between it and the wall, to the next one, the one that you saw,which encompasses the entirety of this wall.There are small one-foot wide sections of it along theupper part of the wall where there’s a gap, but most of it is pure web across. There are two ofthem there and are you getting close with the torch to reveal it? Otherwise it’s going to bebeyond the torch light, it’s going to be very dim and hard to see the details. ASHLEY: Yeah, I’ll follow as far back as I can. LIAM: I have to stay within 60 feet of Schmidt. MATT: Right, so the two of you approach the firstbarrier to see the second.As Schmidt approaches the second barrier, one of the masses, which doesappear to be humanoid in size, shakes slightly, doesn’t react. The other one shakes slightly, andyou watch as an arm limply falls from the side of it, some webbing tearing, as it does you hear ametal sword clang to the ground. You see a bracer that once belonged to a crownsguard. LIAM: (whispers) Schmidt, bring me the bracer. MATT: The bracer (whoosh) and drifts on its own inyour direction. LAURA: I wonder if the giant spider thing heardthat. LIAM: What? MARISHA: Yeah, probably. LIAM: What did you say? I did not understand youraccent. LAURA: (loudly) I said I wonder if the giant– LIAM: Shh! LAURA: You. SAM: She wonders if the giant spider heard it. LIAM: Yeah, we all wonder that. TRAVIS: So they’re dead, huh? LIAM: Well, not moving. LAURA: Burn that shit then the spider will comeand we will burn that shit too! ASHLEY: How close am I to one of the human formones? MATT: You’re about ten feet from it.TALIESIN: They look pretty dead, don’t they? MATT: They look pretty dead, they’re ten to 15feet from you. TRAVIS: Firestarter! ASHLEY: I mean this is the firestarter over here. MARISHA: Let’s burn it. LIAM: I can do it from a distance, yeah. SAM: Should we get into some sort of position sowe’re not all clumped together? MATT: Yeah, do you have any specific order youwant to maintain here? TRAVIS: How about four on one side and three onthe other of the tunnel? TALIESIN: That’ll do. ASHLEY: Caleb, do you want to stand behind me andlittle peeksies from behind? LIAM: I would like to stand behind everybody. TRAVIS: I’ll take the front of the other side ofYasha, since I’ve got some armor. LAURA: I’ll stand behind Fjord. MATT: All right. MARISHA: I guess I’ll go with team Caleb/Yasha. TRAVIS: Wow. Fucking betrayal. Okay. MATT: All right, Caleb, Yasha and Beau– MARISHA: I’m trying to split up evenly! MATT: Is it Molly and Fjord at the front of theother group? SAM: I’ll go behind Caleb.MATT: Okay, so Nott goes behind Caleb and then wehave Fjord and Molly on the other side with Jester behind them. TALIESIN: Yep. Little bit of magic on both sides,little bit of tank. MATT: Okay. You move around that barrier and getto the next ten to 15 feet up where there is the next larger barrier of webbing and the twounmoving humanoid forms wrapped up there. LIAM: I can do this from 120 feet away, once everysix seconds I’m going to use Fire Bolt. I would go (whoosh whoosh) and hit them both. MATT: Okay. They both impact and the bodies shift,there’s a burst of flame. Some of the webbing ignites and burns and curls away, but it lookslike the flame is so instantaneous it’s not enough to immediately ignite the webbing.There is aburnt mark on them and neither of the forms move or react to the impact and the web shifts andshakes for a moment before it eventually comes to rest again. LIAM: Just as a test, to the one on the right I doit again. MATT: Okay, you do it a second time. It burns alittle more, as the webbing burns away in that section you can see the crownsguard armorchestplate that is now a little bit charred beneath the impact. LIAM: Okay, well, he’s dead. Should I just keepchipping away? MARISHA: You still have your torch, yeah? ASHLEY: Yeah. I’ll help. Are we moving forward orwe’re still–? MATT: They’re all still in the back, but you canmove forward if you want to move forward.LIAM: Well, this is every six seconds so I couldjust stand here for a minute going (whoosh whoosh whoosh) and not get close. TRAVIS: Hey Nott, will you do me a favor and makesure nothing sneaks up behind us? SAM: There’s things behind us, too? TRAVIS: Could be. LIAM: So I guess I’ll take the next 30 or 40seconds, if that’s what it takes. I’ll focus on one and just keep burning it away. MATT: Okay. SAM: I’m going to go 15 feet behind us. MATT: Okay, you shift yourself 15 feet behind.Make a perception check so you can watch. With disadvantage because, unfortunately, you’re awayfrom the torch light to do so. SAM: That’s a one. MATT: So you’re keeping watch. (laughter) MATT: As one after the other the webbing isshaking and shifting. Eventually, after four or five blasts the web begins to catch fire and youwatch as the red and orange flames expand and begin to immolate both the unmoving bodies.Thewebbing then burns away and eventually begins to detach from the weight and the loss of tensilestrength and that whole wall shifts and collapses to the ground, both of the bodies hit the ground.The webbing burns away, it’s not enough to catch the bodies on fire, though it does singe and burnthe exterior and as you look they’re both in various states of decay. The skin you can see, asyou approach a little bit, Yasha, to take a look, the cheeks within their helmeted heads are sunkenand sallow. The lips are curled back over the teeth. They are drained of any internal life forceor blood. ASHLEY: Can I poke around with the tip of my swordand see if there’s any money or something in their pockets? MATT: Make an investigation check.LIAM: (singing) We are the worst. We are theworst. TALIESIN: He’s not using it. ASHLEY: 18. MATT: Prodding around, yeah, there is. From just aglance, they both have coin purses on their belts, folded into their belt, as a protective measure.They both look like they were caught in a state where they’d be willing to travel anywhere andspend money. ASHLEY: I’ll take them. MATT: Okay, you being to pull from their bodies,what are the rest of you guys doing? LAURA: We could take their weapons, I bet they’renice weapons. Or we could return them to the Crownsguard, maybe they would reward us? TALIESIN and MARISHA: Do they have a dog tag? MATT: Glancing about as you inspect the bodies,there’s no identifying tag to them.There isn’t an elaborate system of maintaining Crownsguardmembers or identifying that you’ve noticed at least. TRAVIS: Can I search for puncture marks? Stabwounds? Bite marks? MATT: Make a medicine check. LAURA: Can I take their helmets and put them in mypink bag? MATT: Sure, easy enough to do. LAURA: What about their weapons? Do they haveany? MATT: They do. They both are carrying a longsword.They’re well kept, not used. You look along the blade and there are barely any signs ofindentation. LAURA: Does it say anywhere “Property of theCrownsguard?” MATT: No, but they are uniform design. They’re notelaborate or ornamental. The Crownsguard weaponry are all pretty much designed or provided by asimilar blacksmithy technique so they all feel like they’re uniform to a certain degree.TRAVIS: Ten on the medicine check. MATT: That’s enough. It’s not too hard to see. Asyou look over each of the two bodies, both of them have heavy puncture marks, either right in theback of the neck on one of them, or the other one has it right under the front of the chin. Thepuncture marks are about that wide, about two inches across on each side where the skin andflesh has bubbled and pushed away from the side and they go very deep in. TRAVIS: So big fangs. Probably fucking pincers.You know (clicking). Yeah. So watch your shit. LIAM: Caleb stands still for a second and looksaround. Do I hear anything? MATT: Make a perception check. LIAM: Oh, in my sleeve. Oh, that’s a one. So Idon’t hear anything. TRAVIS: How’s the ground that we’re standing onnow? MATT: There would have been some general webbingtowards the base of this, but you’ve burned away that central area.As you step forward, you lookbeyond where that burning mark is and there is a stark left turn. It curves to the left and lookingaround the side it curves again to the right, maybe 20 feet beyond that and you see anotherwebbing barrier where there looks to be three different figures. You see now there is anotherfigure that is not part of the webbing barrier but is just webbed to the wall right next to it. TRAVIS: But the stone is unim– MATT: Unimpeded to the point it would be anissue. TRAVIS: Not tacky. MATT: No, you feel a little bit of stickiness whenyou step around from general fallen bits of stray webbing strands and such, but nothing that wouldimpede your movement. LAURA: How is it to try to chop through it withthe axe? MATT: You can go try to either the one behind youor the one ahead. LAURA: Yeah, I want to try doing it and see if itsticks to the weapon or if it cuts through.MATT: To the one ahead? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: Okay. You come forth to the web there infront of you to where the two other figures that are massed there. They are both humanoid and younow look over at a close glance as a third one, small, looks to be another one of the ratcreatures that is caught in there. You carve through. Go ahead and make an attack roll.Rolldamage for the handaxe. LAURA: Seven. MATT: Seven, okay. You carve through and a largepart tears through before your handaxe stops and you’re like (grunts) can’t push any more. You tryand pull back and as you do, you pull your arm back and it gets ripped from your grasp and it’snow stuck and folded, and your handaxe is now wobbling in the web. TALIESIN: I’m going to very gently cut her handaxeout with my radiant sword. MATT: Okay. You begin to carve around it and pullit out, and you eventually get it free but now there’s a cluster of webbing around it almost likethe world’s worst cotton candy.It’s wrapped around the center of it, but it’s sticky. TRAVIS: The worst kind of candy. TALIESIN: Don’t eat it! LIAM: Jester, put it on the ground and take tensteps back away from it. LAURA: (metal plink) MATT: (metal plinks) The metal hits the ground andmakes a bit of a sound. LAURA: Except it’s covered in webbing so not asmuch sound. MATT: No, but the metal still hits the ground. LIAM: (whoosh) MATT: You watch as the flames burn around it andfree it. It lights up the vicinity a little bit. There’s that wedge opening where you’ve cut inthat webbing barrier and behind it you can see the entire floor of the next portion appears to havesome sort of webbing layer around it and all the walls are covered in it. Across the way you cansee rungs and the end of this portion of the drainage that leads up into where you can see thewind would be coming through, and that faint bit of wind that’s pushing through that’s causing allthe webs to shift is coming from what you can barely make out to be the faint bits of sunsetlight peeking through another exit.A sewage exit just like the one that you came in. You also see anumber of other figures that are all webbed to the walls and encased within there. TALIESIN: All of the ones webbed to the walls arejust as emaciated and dead? MATT: Make a perception check. LAURA: Can I get my handaxe back? MATT: You can, yeah. LAURA: Thanks, Caleb. TALIESIN: Six. MATT: You glance past in the distance. It’s toohard to see, unfortunately, because the torchlight is too far away. ASHLEY: How close are we to those now? MATT: Well, you’re at the second web wall. That’sabout 25, 30 feet from you so it’s beyond the torchlight of where you’re standing. LAURA: It’s a dead end past all of this? It’s adead end and just goes up? MATT: It looks like it.It goes to a dead end, butit’s all covered in webbing. LAURA: It’s got to be around here somewhere,right? ASHLEY: Or it’s behind us and waiting until we getin its room. SAM: It’s not behind us! TALIESIN: I’m going to start trying to cut down,find the points of the web wall where it’s being held together and cut any of the web. SAM: Nothing back here! MATT: Because of your rite, you manage to carvethrough and you watch as the second web wall comes and folds to the end. The bodies that are encasedin it hitting the ground with heavy thuds. You can see the other bodies that are webbed to the wallsaround.On the inside, you can see the end of this. It is a giant web nest. LIAM: If we deem it safe, maybe someone could lookout this other exit because, probably, something is down here with us, but mayhaps above the grate,this thing lives in a house perhaps. I don’t know, I’m spitballing. TRAVIS: Or if we go up to the grate, and try andget someone to open the hatch in case we need to beat a speedy retreat. LIAM: That is also good. That is two reasons to doit. LAURA: Should I go up? TRAVIS: Yeah, do it. LAURA: Okay. TRAVIS: Give her the writ of law thing. LAURA: Is it blocked in and webby all along theground? MATT: As you walk past, the ground itself issticky. You can still move, but you’re hindered somewhat having to like pull through and it tugsat your feet. You guys watch as webbing tears and builds on the bottom of her boots as she walksin. LAURA: I stop walking. MATT: Okay. You stop and look and you can see thefaint outline of bodies that are webbed to the wall.Parts of the faces that are revealed thatare gray and lifeless, drained. On the far wall, you see a large cluster of webbing. It looks likea mass of three or four bodies jammed together and you see one body that’s right next to where therungs are that is not as webbed as the others, and there is color to the skin. You see elements of ahumanoid face. A halfling, it looks to be. About halfling sized. It is about a foot up off theground, webbed to the wall, one arm is drifting out and part of the face and unconscious, but isnot gray and dead like the others. And that’s where we’re going to take a break. SAM: Wait, no! But that’s a person! MATT: I know.We’ll come back on that. It’sbecause I want to make sure we all get to the bathroom, including myself. I have to pee like afucking racehorse. So yeah. We’ll pick up on the reveal of this non-dead body. LAURA: I don’t like it either. ASHLEY: You went to no’s like, “No no no.” MATT: We’ll be back here in a few minutes. Firstand foremost, we have our Wyrmwood giveaway, which we’ve worked through some of the stuff. Yeah,giveaways and laws are weird. I apologize for the heads up, but as part of this Wyrmwood giveaway,you need to be in the Twitch chat to participate. I apologize. ALL: I apologize. MATT: We’re fans of Deadwood, if you couldn’ttell. Right now, the offer is only for residents of the United States and Canada, excluding Quebec,because of laws. We’re trying to figure out how to expand that, but that’s where we are at themoment, so I apologize if you’re not a part of that.I’m so sorry. We have no way to get aroundit, but we’re working on it. For the official rules, you can follow the link in chat. It shouldbe available to you. Tonight’s prize is the Purple Heart Adventurer’s Arsenal, which you mayrecognize as the wood that Scanlan had in the last campaign. In case you haven’t seen what thesearsenals are, it’s a dice box as well as a great interior.You can keep your dice, your pen, minisor erasers, anything else you want to keep in there. They’re pretty badass. So we have that. Thecontest has officially started, so all you have to do is go into Twitch chat. Tonight’s code issewers. The plural. Sewers. TRAVIS: Is there an A in that? MATT: No. But yes, that’s the keyword. Only enterit once in chat because entering it more than once will disqualify you. Good luck, everyone. We’llannounce the winner when we come back from the break. We’ll be contacting the winners after thebreak so make sure you keep an eye on your whispers.We’ll see you guys back here in a fewminutes. [break] MATT: And welcome back. First and foremost, weknow that some folks are having problems or issues with the D&D Beyond discount code, which I thinkwas “InvisibleWand.” They’re working on it at D&D Beyond, but don’t worry, the code will be activefor a while. Look for updates or keep trying. They’re working on that. Also, we have our winnerof our fantastic Wyrmwood giveaway. Congratulations to scopewar. Scopewar, you are thewinner. We’ll get that out to you, so well done. Bringing us back in. You guys had just noticed thefurthest element of this segment of the sewer, where the webbing had become far more apparent.You had discovered a few bodies that came over. You had carved through one wall and caused that tofall off to the side, and leading to the very end of it, you saw an ascension that went to anotherexit grate into the city.A number of bodies, one large webbed mass of a few bodies and oneindividual that looked to be still alive, though unconscious and webbed against the wall. LAURA: Is he reachable? MATT: From you right now, he’s about 20 feet aheadof you. LAURA: (whispered) He’s still 20 feet away fromme. You guys! Hey fuckers! MARISHA: What?! LAURA: I’m a little worried about walking anyfurther because my feet are starting to stick to the ground, like a lot. But there’s a halflingstuck to the wall over here and I don’t think he’s dead.MARISHA: Okay. You stay there with the halfling. Imight be able to negotiate my way a little further. LIAM: Is Jester right up with the halfling? LAURA: No, I’m 20 feet away from it. TRAVIS: If you had to ballpark the distance to thehalfling or to the very end of it? MATT: From you guys all together, it’s about 25feet, 30 feet. Jester is a little bit closer.SAM: All clear in the back! TALIESIN: I’d forgotten. TRAVIS: I am going to join Nott at the back andkeep an eye on the rear. SAM: No need! MATT: Make a perception check. MARISHA: Oh, jeez Louise. TRAVIS: Ten. MATT: Okay, Fjord you shift around to join Nott inthe back and you guys look off in that distance. You see nothing in the darkness behind you. Whoelse is doing what? LIAM: I am going to walk up to Jester and standnext to her and then I am going to send Schmidt forward to this halfling to try to maybe lift uphis, its, I can’t tell you. The chin of this halfling. MARISHA: I’m going to also move forward next toCaleb. MATT: You move forward next to Caleb as well. Youguys are finding your feet sticking to the material of the floor webbing. You approach. Youwatch as the head of this halfling is pulled away from some of the webbing and lifted up. It ismale. Actually, because you’re still with Yasha in the back, make a perception check both of you.LIAM: Well if I can’t see– MATT: It’s low light beyond that so make aperception check with disadvantage. MARISHA: I’ve got dope goggles, though. LIAM: Oh, well okay. MATT: You can make a straight perception check ifyou’d like. LIAM: Well I would say if I can’t see, if I knew Ican’t see, if I were really in this place instead of sitting as this table. MATT: You can if Yasha comes closer, but Yasha hasthe only source of light. LIAM: If I couldn’t see coming up, I would go(poofing) and send out Dancing Lights. MARISHA: Natural 20. LIAM: There you go. MATT: The Dancing Lights appear in the air andbegin to drift in help fill out the area, your torch light still being this larger beacon offlame light in the space. Beau, you glance ahead and can see as the chin is lifted, a thick band oftattoos– MARISHA: I think these goggles are like polarized.It’s real cool. He’s got a thick band of tattoos, sorry. MATT: A thick band of tattoos that completelyencompasses the neck to the point where what’s exposed from beneath it’s like black shapes anddesigns completely around.MARISHA: Of the halfling? MATT: Of the halfling, yeah. MARISHA: Do they look old or like a freshertattoo? MATT: Did you roll a natural 20? MARISHA: I did roll a natural 20. MATT: Your amazing monk-like sight, they’re notfresh. MARISHA: They’re not fresh. MATT: They’re not fresh. MARISHA: Do I see puncture wounds? MATT: You do not. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: Also, there’s this weird sense that creepson Nott and Fjord as you’re glancing forward and you both turn over your shoulder to see a massivepale white and blue arachnid creature, legs spindling outward, at a width of ten feet or more.Giant dripping fangs and beady red eyes, a row of them glaring right at you as this (hiss) pincersopen up.LAURA: How close is it to you guys? MATT: It’s right behind Fjord and Nott and it isstriking you, Fjord, as its first strike. SAM: It snuck up on us? ASHLEY: Wait, so it’s behind? MATT: It’s literally here! ALL: Oh! ASHLEY: Was it on the ceiling the whole time? MATT: That is going to be a 23 to hit. TRAVIS: Against my 14? Yeah! LIAM: While this death is happening, Caleb isSchmidt go like this to the halfling.Caleb’s going, “Hey guy, hey hey hey.” MARISHA: Halfling! MATT: You suffer seven points of piercing damage,as its fangs snap right into your chest area. Do you still have ice armor on? TRAVIS: I do, so he takes ten points of damage.The armor is gone. MATT: I also need you to make a constitutionsaving throw. LAURA: Oh no! TRAVIS: Shit! 17. MATT: You feel venom pulse into your body. Yourphysicality, however, being somewhat sturdy, manages to resist a large element of the poisonthat is suddenly thrust into your torso. You take– that’s a terrible roll. You take fivepoints of poison damage. Nott, you look up and see this thing as it digs its giant pincers and fangsinto Fjord’s body and it pulls back and you watch it vanish and disappear. TRAVIS: Fuck! MATT: I need you all to roll initiative. LAURA: It’s an invisible spider! TALIESIN: To be fair, invisible spiders are thebest spiders because you can’t– hey, look at that! TRAVIS: Oh, look at the webs! MARISHA: Why are we invisible? Oh.LAURA: We’re not invisible, those are dead people!I see dead people. TRAVIS: Invisible shit ass bitch! Nipples on ahorse! MATT: The last place you saw this– ASHLEY: Are they invisible, the people that are on the walls? MATT: The last place you saw it was there beforeit disappeared. ALL: Fuck! LAURA: Where before it disappeared? MATT: Right there. LAURA: Wait, why are all the other thingsinvisible? Does that mean those are other things that are going to attack us? MATT: These are all the bodies that have beenwebbed up. Initiative order for you guys, please. 25 to 20. LAURA: 22! MATT: Nice! MARISHA: Oh goddamn it, he has it this wholetime. MATT: All right, Jester’s up front at 22. 20 to15, guys. LIAM: 15! Fnfzehn. TRAVIS: I have 15, as well. Nobody has higher thana 15? LAURA: I had a 22. TRAVIS: Yeah, I mean besides Jester. MATT: All righty, that was ten to 15? Ten tofive. MARISHA: I’m sorry. Then ten to 15. I’m 13. TALIESIN: I’m 13. TRAVIS: You’re both 13? MATT: Beau and Molly.All righty, and ten tofive? ASHLEY: Eight! Oh, seven, I’m sorry. SAM: Five! TRAVIS: Good, separated from everybody. LAURA: Man, you always have the shittiestinitiative! ASHLEY: So do I. LAURA: Yeah, why do you guys always have badinitiative? SAM: Because we save it for when it reallycounts! MATT: That’s true. LAURA: Weird. MATT: The top of this round. Jester, you’re upfirst. LAURA: I’m up first! Okay, did I hear it happen toFjord? Did I hear anything? MATT: No. Well, you hear like the reaction ofpain, and you glance over just in time to see this large, monstrous spider body vanish in place. LAURA: Oh no! SAM: I’m probably screaming. MATT: Nott is just– SAM: (screaming) LAURA: I cast Spiritual Weapon, a giant purplelollipop! Oh no. I’ve got some, but you have one too, don’t you? TALIESIN: We have a couple around. MATT: Oh, do you have one there? LAURA: No, you have the one. Don’t you have theone? SAM: You have a one with the stand.LAURA: That Brittany made? MATT: Yes, but it appears to have been moved sincethey used the table last time. Oh well. LAURA: Somebody took a picture of it thendisappeared it? MATT: It might have happened, yeah. LAURA: I make a giant teal lollipop instead! Hereyou go. MATT: Where shall we place this? LAURA: Directly overhead of where the spiderdisappeared. MATT: Okay, we’ll put it there. It worries me thatI get to unveil that and it’s not around. MARISHA: Does anyone know where the lollipop is? MATT: It’s fine. Jester, you use that as yourbonus action to cast. What are you using your action for? LAURA: I’m going to, oh god, cast Sacred Flame onthe place that it was at. Can I do that? MATT: Sacred Flame is a cantrip? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: You can, sure. LAURA: On the place that I saw it. MATT: Okay, you watch as the large lollipopapparates in that space and you cast Sacred Flame.It has no target to effect. LAURA: It’s not invisible guys, it’s gone. TRAVIS: Nothing happens? MATT: No, there’s no burst of flame. The spell hasno target. LAURA: I’m going to back up against– oh no, if Iback against a wall, it’s sticky, isn’t it? MATT: The space, all this area here, where thewebbing starts is considered rough terrain to move through.So your speed is halved moving throughthat area. LAURA: I’m going to take a couple steps, if I can,like up on those rocks next to Yasha is it? Yeah. TALIESIN: We should probably clump together. MATT: Okay. So you back up onto the rocks andstart pulling your feet out of the webbing as you do. That ends your turn? LAURA: Yes. MATT: Ending Jester’s turn. Caleb and Fjord, youguys are up. LIAM: Can I get either inside or behind that cratethat’s in the corner with difficult terrain? MATT: I can say you can start to get into it. Itdoesn’t offer you any cover at the moment, but you’re in it right now. LIAM: Okay, for an action, I am going to cast theBlur spell on myself again und I will use my bonus action to have Schmidt come.I’m assuminghe’s not affected by webs? MATT: He doesn’t seem to be. LIAM: Well then I will summon him to stand aboveme on the box. MATT: Okay. CALEB: So I’m blurry and there’s an invisible guyright above me. MATT: Ending Caleb’s turn. You are currentlyblurring and shifting. TRAVIS: Okay, can I spin back after gettingfucking bit by a goddamn spider, and can I back up– 10, 15, 20. Does that cause anything to hit me? MATT: Nope. TRAVIS: Cool. I don’t see nothing, right? MATT: Currently, no. TRAVIS: Nice. Can I fire Eldritch Blast in thedirection that I saw it? MATT: You can. TRAVIS: Yeah! MATT: Make a main attack roll.TRAVIS: 17. MATT: (poof) It hits the stone wall behind it.It’s not there. TRAVIS: It moved! (laughter) MATT: You get the sense that it’s not apparentlythere. TRAVIS: I need to see it to do anything else. Allright. MATT: That ends your turn. That brings us to– allright. So– MARISHA: The spider is in between Fjord and Beau. LAURA: The spider is in between Fjord and Beau. Ithought Travis would make the note, but he’s not. SAM: He’s busy. MATT: There is a moment, Fjord, as you back upafter releasing your Eldritch Blast where it impacts the wall and you’re like, “Shit.” You hearthis (whoosh) sound and look your right and it appears right next to you. LAURA: Where? TRAVIS: Oh fuck! ASHLEY: Well, he’s not invisible anymore. MATT: It lunges out towards you again. TRAVIS: Oh, no. Shit, that’s another 23. Two 19s in a row. TRAVIS: Yeah, I mean, you don’t need me to tellyou it hits. MATT: That is eight points of piercing damage, andI need you to make a constitution saving throw. TRAVIS: Damn! MARISHA: How many? TRAVIS: Okay, constitution saving throw.Oh, that’s an eight. TALIESIN: That’s a lot of dice. MATT: All right, you take 15 points of poisondamage. SAM: That’s all of the poison damage. TRAVIS: I’m unconscious. No! Relentl–The thing, I got the thing! It’s called Relentless Endurance! I come back to one hit point! LAURA: It’s Relentless! TRAVIS: Sorry, I’m half dead. MATT: As the fangs dig into the side of yourtorso, you pull back and try and defend yourself and it pierces your leather armor in your torso.It releases a huge burst of venom into your chest. You feel your lungs and heart seize for a momentand you almost fall back. That burning orcish rage from underneath gives you that last bit ofinspiration to shrug off the poison and look back angrily and realize you are in deep shit.TRAVIS: Oh fuck. LIAM: There you go, Freemasons. He’s actually ahalf orc. MATT: All righty, that ends its turn. That bringsus to Beau and Molly. MARISHA: Do you want to go first? TALIESIN: You can go first. MARISHA: Is there a way I can hop over the websituation? MATT: Is it bothering you? LAURA: Yes! MATT: It’s been bothering you this whole time? MARISHA: It was bothering me this whole time, too!I meant to fix it in the break.MATT: Laura Bailey, the kind of friend that tellsyou when you have a booger in your nose. I really appreciate it. MARISHA: Can I jump this gap where Molly is andavoid the webbing? MATT: You can certainly try. Go ahead and make anathletics check. You are standing in webbing, so it’s being able to– MARISHA: Natural 20. MATT: I will say yes! I will give you the abilityto leap through and land off to this side using your movement and avoid that ten feet and stillmanage to free yourself from the webbing. So that was 15 feet of your movement used to leap. MARISHA: So I have 25 more feet? MATT: Yep. MARISHA: How close can I get to the spider? MATT: Let’s give it a shot. LIAM: I mean, Beau is pretty fucking amazing incombat. MATT: 25! You’re not quite close enough.MARISHA: Fuck! I don’t have any reach with my stick. MATT: No, you have whatever monk abilities thatyou have. You have eyes on it at the moment, yes. MARISHA: I will hold. I will take a dodge action. MATT: You start defending yourself, preparing forits onslaught. That brings me to Molly’s turn. TALIESIN: I’m going to head towards the spider, asclose as I can get. There’s not a lot I can do.MATT: You’re right there. TALIESIN: I’m going to use Devil’s Tongue, I’mgoing to use Vicious Mockery. MATT: It rolls a natural 19 on its saving throw. TALIESIN: (guttural Infernal sounds) MATT: That’s like three 19s in a row that it hasrolled, by the way. LAURA: You have something in your throat, Molly. TRAVIS: What dice are you using? MATT: Well, the last two I was using the GoldenSnitch. This one I used the black d20. SAM: We are all going to die because of the GoldenSnitch. MATT: It was gifted to me at the end of the lastcampaign. TALIESIN: It was gifted. LAURA: Or did you throw it on the table and Mattsnatched it up? TALIESIN: We are golden gods. MATT: You must invite the vampire in for it tocross the threshold. (laughter) TALIESIN: I have made a terrible mistake. MATT: So, Molly, you moved up there and you’restill ten feet away from this creature. TALIESIN: I’m just going to hold. MATT: All right, so you’re holding–? TALIESIN: An attack for the second that it’swithin range. MATT: Okay, so you’re holding your action in caseit shows up within range to strike it.Okay, good to know. That finishes their turn. Yasha, you’reup. ASHLEY: Okay, can I get to it? MATT: What’s your speed? ASHLEY: 30 feet. MATT: 30 feet? (counting) Just in range! ASHLEY: Okay, so. Um– I would like to rage. (cheering) ASHLEY: Okay, so I would like to rage, and then– MATT: It spins around after Molly screamed at it,and it goes (snarling). You can see in your torch light, as you’re clutching it in your hand as yourush towards it. You’re going to have to drop that torch to grab your two-handed weapon. ASHLEY: Yeah.MATT: You drop it on the ground, and as it hitsthe ground, the light flickers off of its eight red beady eyes. It turns, its fangs open towardsyou and you see the venom and bits of Fjord blood dripping off of the end of it as you rush towardsit. All right, you rage, what are you doing? ASHLEY: Rage, take out my sword and try to hit itbetween the eyes. MATT: Go for it, roll for attack. ASHLEY: Okay. Okay. 23. MATT: 23 hits! Roll damage. ASHLEY: What do I roll?! MATT: It’s d12 for your greatsword. Plus whateveryour strength– ASHLEY: 2d6 plus three. MATT: Oh the greatsword yeah, d12 is greataxe.2d6, plus three, plus whatever your rage damage bonus is, which I think is two, right? ASHLEY: (grunting) LIAM: It’s like an airplane. TRAVIS: Yeah, this is the second fight. TALIESIN: It might auto if you select your– LAURA: Yeah, she didn’t get a session zero. MATT: Yeah, it’s plus two. It’s plus five damageto whatever you roll.LAURA: Yeah! ASHLEY: Plus five to whatever I roll? MATT: Yep. ASHLEY: Okay, 14. MATT: 14 points of slashing damage. TRAVIS: Fuck yeah, beast mode. As you rush towards it with a large arc, slamming down like (whoosh), you carve through part of its carapace,two of the eyes are cloven through and are now bloodied and ruined. LAURA: It’s blinded! MATT: It shrieks back. It’s hurt, but it’s stilldoing fine. Is that the end of your turn? ASHLEY: Yeah, because I can’t do anything else,right? MATT: Yeah.ASHLEY: Okay, I stand there at the ready with thepoint. MATT: Got it. Nott, you’re up. SAM: Okay. I’m going to shout out: I think this isthe monster! I will nervously fire my hand crossbow at the beast, hoping not to hit any of myfriends. 12 plus something? Six. 18. MATT: That hits. Roll damage. You get sneakattack. SAM: Yeah. (counting) 14. Plus Fury of the Small,17 points. (cheering) MATT: As it opens its mouth, the firelight fromthe torch flickering in, its horrible weirdly shaped spider-like mutated mouth open up where thepincers and the giant fangs are. A bolt sinks into its throat, and it starts shrieking, backing updefensively, the pain causing it to pull away from you.That’s a serious amount of damage. SAM: Yeah. I scramble away in Caleb’s direction,and that cocoon guy there. I’m going to hide right behind him. MATT: Okay. Make a stealth check. SAM: Okay. A 15. MATT: Good to know. That finishes Nott’s turn.Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Okay can I come around the corner and getout of this nastiness? Ooh, it really did stick to it.MATT: It really did stick to it. Five, ten, 15,there. LAURA: Can I see everything? MATT: Yes, you see right where everyone is andwhere this creature is. LAURA: Okay I’m going to send my spiritual weapondown there to bash it over the head! MATT: 5, 10, 15, 20. It cannot quite get into range. LAURA: How did Yasha get all the way there and mything didn’t get there? MATT: Because yours can only move 20 feet. LAURA: That’s so stupid. Okay. MATT: I believe that’s the case.LAURA: Yeah, it’s only 20. Then I’m going to useCure Wounds. Is it touch? MATT: Cure Wounds is touch, I believe. LAURA: Motherfucker! LIAM: Healing Word, maybe. LAURA: Yeah but it’s like dog shit. Aw, look atthat. ASHLEY: Does it sparkle? It’s got all sparklylittle– LAURA: Isn’t it so pretty? TALIESIN: It really ties the sewer together. (laughter) MATT: There it is. LAURA: Healing Word is such dog shit, as far aswhat it can do.SAM: Healing Word? No, it’s not! LAURA: Psh, sure whatever. I guess I’ll do HealingWord to cure you. But you’re going to go down again, it’s not enough to heal you– TRAVIS: I’m going to take a healing potion. LAURA: Oh, you are? TRAVIS: Yeah. SAM: Do your thing. TALIESIN: Or do damage. LAURA: I’m going to– I’m sorry, you guys. I’mgoing to Sacred Flame it, then. MATT: Okay. What’s the– LAURA: 1d8 radiant. MATT: Well it needs to make a saving throw, right?That is an 11. I think your DC is 13 right? Yeah. Roll damage. LAURA: Okay. Aw, two. MATT: Two points radiant damage. Hey, it allhelps. A burst of radiant flame suddenly encompasses the front part of its body, betweenthe impact of the bolt, the slashing from Yasha, and the blast, it looks like it’s starting to feela moment of fight or flight. That end your turn? LAURA: Yeah, it does. MATT: Caleb, Fjord, you’re up. LIAM: Okay, I can see a straight line from thespider to me so I think– MATT: It does have partial cover, though, becauseof the angle you’re at.LIAM: Yeah, okay, all right. I’m going to use mymovement to crawl out of the box so I can get a better bead on it hopefully. I’ll go as farforward and to the side as I can to get a better angle. MATT: (counting) That’ll improve your sightthere. LIAM: Okay, so I am going to steady my arm againstthe other arm and point at it, and blacken my hand and send a Fire Bolt at it. Here it goes, we’llsee if it hits probably not. No, I don’t think it does. That is a 11. MATT: That unfortunately does not hit. As it’sreacting from the impacts, it begins to rear back, and as it does there’s this one flash of light. Itseems like it notices its presence and gets really low and flat suddenly. Its whole body, which ismassive, shrinks low to the sewer as it passes overhead. It pops back up, ready. LIAM: Then before the end of my turn I’m going to(snapping) and Schmidt silently comes up as close as he can get next to me.MATT: That ends your turn? LIAM: Ja. MATT: All righty. It’s now the spider’s turn. TRAVIS: It’s my turn. MATT: That’s right, I forgot. TRAVIS: With my bonus action, can I castHexblade’s Curse on the spider? MATT: Yes, you may. LAURA: You should just kill it! Kill it! It’salready nervous, kill it and don’t worry about healing yourself. ASHLEY: He’s looking rough. LAURA: Destroy it, Fjord! TRAVIS: With the fucking glove of blasting, thatwe took off the thing, can I go (grunting) and fire all three of the Scorching Ray balls at thespider? MATT: You may.Make your three attacks withdisadvantage because it’s a ranged attack in immediate face-to-face range. TRAVIS: That’s a nine, plus two for 11. MATT: 11 misses. The first one goes wide, secondstrike. TRAVIS: That’s a one. MATT: Goes wide again. TRAVIS: 16. MATT: 16 does hit. Your first time using theglove, you’re not too sure how the aiming works and the first two go off to the side, you’re like”Shit! Shit!” (boom) The third one finally impacts. Roll damage for that. LIAM: Aw man that’s that Fjord edge right there. TRAVIS: That’s right. Eight points of damage. MATT: Eight points of fire damage.Plus, does yourHexblade’s Curse do anything on that? Don’t you add your– TRAVIS: Plus two to hit, that’s it. No, damagetwo, proficiency. Thank you. MATT: It’s ten, right? TRAVIS: Ten, thank you. MATT: (explosion) The second the Scorching Rayblast hits it as it’s rearing upright now, and as it lights up you can see the streaks of bluedesigns across its pale white body.The flames impact and burn around the side, it pulls backready, angrily back towards you. That ends your turn? TRAVIS: Yeah. SAM: What happened to the healing coming? MATT: It didn’t happen. TALIESIN: He’s a liar. He’s a lying liar. TRAVIS: You just got to kill the spider and I’llbe fine. TALIESIN: Fair. MATT: It’s trying to decide what is the biggestthreat right now. I’m going to roll for it, between Yasha and Fjord. LIAM: Schmidt, it’s Schmidt. MATT: It’s going to go for Yasha. LAURA: Oh, thank god.TALIESIN: Blood Maledict. I see it look at her andI immediately full Blood Maledict. I’m going to do the fucked up one and I’m going to take fourpoints of damage for it. There you go. I have that moment, I look at it, and my neck bursts and Ibleed out the vein. MATT: You watch as a vein pours out the side, andthe currently six intact red eyes of the spider all cloud over black with bits of trickling, darkpurplish blood pouring from the edges of them. That gives it disadvantage. Which you are verylucky it is because that was a natural 20. That still comes to 16.Does that hit? ASHLEY: That hits. MATT: You take, from the fangs as it lurchestowards you, oof, that’s going to be 11 points of piercing damage. ASHLEY: Halved. MATT: Yes, because you’re raging. (cheering) MATT: You take five points of piercing damage, andI need you to make a constitution saving throw, please. ASHLEY: Okay. MARISHA: You’ve got this. ASHLEY: Natural 20. TRAVIS: Woo, crit on that shit! MATT: As it lurches forward and slams its fangs inthe collar bone area, you having no real armor to protect it, you take it head on.The fangs sinkand you feel the venom pulse through your torso, through your arms. The burning pains goes throughand you flex it off. As you do so, thankfully reducing what would have been– you only take 11points of poison damage. LIAM: Yasha is a heavy metal album. That’s prettydope. MATT: It now sees you all moving around it, and itlooks like it’s been hurting. You watch as its form vanishes. MARISHA: No! ASHLEY: 11 in addition to the– MATT: Yeah. You watch as it vanishes from thespace. That’s where you last saw it. SAM: Wow. MATT: Ending its turn, Beau and Molly, you’re up. SAM: We killed it! ASHLEY: Did it bamf? TALIESIN: Bamfed. MARISHA: Okay. Where’s it going to go, I’m goingto– TALIESIN: Let’s form up, stick close. MARISHA: I’m going to split the difference and gohere. TALIESIN: Don’t get so far that we can’t get toyou if it hits you.MARISHA: I’m not, I’m going there, because I stillwant to be able to get to it. I’m going to hold a Flurry of– Can I hold a ki point action? Or can Ihold an attack? Or can I hold an attack and then decide I want it to be a flurry of blows? MATT: You cannot make a bonus action attack on aheld action so you cannot unfortunately make a Flurry of Blows, I don’t believe, as a heldaction. MARISHA: Can I take the bonus attack now, to dothe ki point and hold it? MATT: No, unfortunately. MARISHA: Okay. This is balls, y’all. LIAM: Yeah. Spider’s an asshole. MARISHA: I’ll hold until I see it to make anattack. MATT: Okay, so you’re holding your action until itappears into range. Good to know. Molly. TALIESIN: I’m sticking with everybody, and let metake one– where am I? Let me take like a step back and hold my action there.MATT: Okay. You step back and stumble over one ofthe crownsguard bodies that you left on the ground, but you hold yourself there, using it asone foot, slightly elevated platform being at the ready. You’re holding your attack action? TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. MATT: That ends Molly’s go. Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: Oh, shit. Okay, it’s gone, so we don’tknow where it is? MATT: It appears to have vanished. ASHLEY: We don’t see it. Okay. I feel like weshould get closer. I’m going to move over to Fjord. MATT: To there? ASHLEY: Yeah, back against the wall. LAURA: The music. MARISHA: I know. ASHLEY: (mimics the music) LAURA: On Yasha’s move. MARISHA: (electric guitar sounds) TRAVIS: (bass guitar sounds) ASHLEY: I think that’s– oh, can I do HealingHands on myself? MATT: You can, yeah. ASHLEY: Okay, I’ll do Healing Hands on myself. MATT: As Yasha backs up against the wall,greatsword in one hand, you watch as she puts her arm to her chest.There’s a faint glow of veryfaint whitish energy and her wounds heal up slightly. TRAVIS: What the fuck?! MARISHA: You didn’t have that, did you? Youcouldn’t do that type of shit. TRAVIS: No, she’s path of the zealot. ASHLEY: Well, I think it’s because I’m– TALIESIN and ASHLEY: Stuff. MARISHA and TALIESIN: Because reasons? MATT: That finishes your turn, Yasha? ASHLEY: Yes. TRAVIS: What’s that called, what did you use? ASHLEY: Healing Hands. TALIESIN: It’s called Princes of the Universe. SAM: Is someone going to heal Fjord? LAURA: Yes, I’m going to on my turn. SAM: Okay. Oh boy. I’ll stay put, and hold myattack until I can see the whites of its pincers. As a bonus action, I’ll cast Mage Hand and startdigging around some rocks, see if there’s anything over there.MATT: Well, Mage Hand is an action to cast, so youcan’t hold– SAM: Not anymore. MATT: Oh, no, with your legerdemain, right? SAM: Yeah. LAURA: Legerdemain? SAM: I don’t know. LIAM: We’re all still figuring it out. SAM: You can use the bonus action granted by yourcunning action to control the hand. MATT: Oh, it means once it’s already out, you cando that to use a bonus action. But you have to get it out. SAM: Got it.Then nevermind. MATT: So you’re holding your action there? SAM: I’m holding my attack. MATT: Good to know. Top of the round. Jester,you’re up. LAURA: Okay. How far away are they? I’m going tomove forward. Can I get all the way to Fjord? I’m afraid to get too far away from Caleb. MATT: (counting) You can get up to him. TRAVIS: You don’t need to heal me. LAURA: I’m going to heal you. TRAVIS: If it dies, I gain seven hit points. LAURA: Okay, good. You’ll gain seven more than Ican heal you, because I’m going to cast Cure Wounds on him! SAM and TALIESIN: Yay! LAURA: Yay. Six points. TRAVIS: Thanks, Jester. I owe you one. LAURA: You don’t owe me shit. MATT: Anything else you want to do? Move yourspiritual weapon or anything? LAURA: I’m going to move my spiritual weapon inthe middle, closer to Beau. MATT: Okay, so there? LAURA: Yeah. TRAVIS: We’re not considered poisoned if we gotbit, right? MATT: No.That ends your go, Jester. Caleb andFjord, you’re up. LIAM: Because sightlines are a problem here, Iwould like to move to dead center where Jester just was, actually, so I have a clear sight on thechamber behind me and ahead of me. MATT: 20, 25, 30? LIAM: Yeah. I can see everywhere, more or less, inhere. MATT: Yes, you can. LIAM: I pull the diamond out from my coat and getready, and I hold. As soon as I see the spider, I’m going to release Chromatic Orb. MATT: Okay. Good to know. That ends your turn,Caleb. Fjord, what are you doing? TRAVIS: I’d like to move closer to the group.(counting) I turn here and I will hold my attack. MATT: Okay. In case he comes into range. TRAVIS: Yes. MATT: Good to know. Okay. End of your turn? Lastyou saw it there. You watch as there’s a faint ripple in the air. You just finishing healingFjord, as he runs past, you turn and smile and turn back just in time to see it, not far fromwhere it vanished, appear right there. MARISHA: Damn it. LAURA: (screams) MATT: It does get a surprise strike on you, whichhas advantage.Disadvantage thanks to your last ability, so it’s just a straight attack roll. That is a natural one. LAURA: (sigh of relief) SAM: Wow! MATT: That’s okay. It will use its movement tomove down, and go up the wall here. LAURA: It died! Yay, we killed it! MATT: If we went by those rules, you guys would’vebeen dead a long time ago. All right, so you do get an attack of opportunity on it as you swingpast. Go ahead and make your strike. LAURA: Okay! MATT: With your somewhat web-covered– LAURA: No, we got all of it off, remember? MATT: Right. TALIESIN: Slightly warm. Toasted. LAURA: 18? No, 17? MATT: 17 hits. By the way, those of you that werein range to attack with that held action would’ve been just Caleb and Nott. Both of you guys getattack– LIAM: It’s about 90 feet. TRAVIS: I don’t get a ranged? MATT: You were holding your attack, you said. TRAVIS: Yeah. Do I have to say ranged spellattack? MATT: You have to say what spell you’re holding.It’s either I’m holding an attack or I’m holding a spell.TRAVIS: Sorry. I’ve learned. MATT: Now you know. LAURA: Seven damage! MATT: Seven damage, nice. LIAM: I prepped acid on this thing and I missedbad. I got a total of nine, so that did not hit. MATT: A total of nein? LIAM: Yeah. No, just nine. MATT: So (fwoosh), and as you throw your orb, itskitters up the wall. You almost hit it, but it pulls out of the way before it shatters, the orbsplattering acid across the stonework, burning through whatever outer layer of thick liquid hascongealed there.SAM: From where I’m hidden to where it was when itappeared, how far is that? MATT: From where it appeared? That would’ve been40 feet from you. SAM: So I have to roll with disadvantage? MATT: Yes, you do. SAM: Ooh, not as good. 11. MATT: Goes wide, no impact, unfortunately. Thatends the spider’s turn. Beau, Molly, you’re up. MARISHA: Ugh. Can I close the gap? With my 40 footmovement? MATT and MARISHA: (counting) MATT: It’s above you on the wall. MARISHA: Can I– SAM: Throw your throwing stars! MARISHA: Like I’m trying to get spiders out of thecorner ceiling with a broomstick! Exactly. MATT: I’ll tell you what. I’ll give you theattack, you’ll have disadvantage, and if you miss, you’re prone. But I’ll give you the attack if youwant to.TRAVIS: Ooh. I like the risk. LIAM: Worth the risk. That’s exciting. SAM: It’s impossible. MATT: There is a path that helps with that, butnot this thing. MARISHA: Of course I do! I’m going to do thefull– I’m like, wasp, get the wasp! MATT: All right, you leap up to get your singleattack on it with your bo. Go for it. Roll at a disadvantage.MARISHA: Disadvantage. TRAVIS: You got it! MARISHA: I got it! I did! I rolled a 15 and a 17! MATT: That’s pretty slick. MARISHA: So that’s 21! MATT: That hits! Roll damage. TRAVIS: Don’t move, don’t move! MARISHA: Better call an exterminator! LIAM: Raid! MARISHA: 11. MATT: 11 points of damage. As you leap and smackit in the face, it pulls up a little bit further away, screeching at the impact. It’s lookingpretty rough. It’s still around, but that was not a positive hit for it. MARISHA: Do I have room to still get one moreswat? Probably not. MATT: I gave you the one. You’re technically justout of range. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: That was part of the risk. That end yourturn? MARISHA: Yeah, I guess so. MATT: Molly? TALIESIN: I’m going to at least run up to theother side of Jester, just to keep us clumped a little bit. What I can do is I can do ViciousMockery again. I’m going to cast Vicious Mockery and (Infernal voice) I’ll cut off your legs! Giveit a shot. Make a roll against wisdom.SAM: He can say anything with that voice and itwould sound awful. TALIESIN: (Infernal voice) Who ate all theCracklin’ Oat Bran? SAM: (Infernal voice) Can I have a fishing rod? (laughter) TALIESIN: Save versus wisdom? MATT: Yeah, your spell DC would be eight plus yourproficiency, which is ten. Plus your wisdom modifier, which is what? TALIESIN: Wisdom modifier is three. MATT: Three. Yeah, that hits! Roll damage. ASHLEY: Come on. Mock him. TALIESIN: I mock him and that’s three points ofpsychic damage, and he has– really? Does it not even matter? Then he has disadvantage on the nextattack. MATT: How do you want to do this? (cheering) MATT: As you mock the spider to death.TALIESIN: Something about my words are just makinghis blood boil. MATT: As you screech out this phrase inInfernal– TALIESIN: (Infernal voice) I whisper and then Ifire. MATT: As its legs begin to skitter upward, and asit tries to escape up the top of the ceiling, it loses its grip upon the top of the sewer ceiling.It falls, slamming on the ground next to Beau, and its legs begin to curl in.As it’s shaking, yousee blood pouring from wounds that weren’t there before. It seems the Infernal itself has affectedhim physically from the inside. It begins to curl its legs in deeper and deeper, the sound of itsguttural shrieking getting softer and softer– MARISHA: I turn around and go, don’t worry guys, Igot it. Good ol’ broomstick trick. Works every time. LIAM: Put him in a mocking bag, Molly! TALIESIN: I never had it do that before. TRAVIS: I regain seven hit points. MATT: There you go. LAURA: No, don’t take it away. I’m going to lickit. MATT: Okay. LAURA: It didn’t hit anything. It’s not evencovered with any guts. MATT: That’s true. ASHLEY: I go up and I give Molly a slap on theass.TALIESIN: You see what I mean? These people arefun! ASHLEY: It’s good. That was fun. TALIESIN: I’m going to go poke it with a sword. LAURA: I’m going to go back to the halfling guythat’s kind of alive. SAM: I’ll come with you then. TRAVIS: I’m going to kill the half– no. MATT: So it is a large body. The actual thorax ofit. TALIESIN: I’m going to start binding it up fortravel. MATT: Okay. Easy enough to do. It’s legs areintact, and they’re sturdy enough. You bring out whatever robe you have available, and you startbinding it and getting it in a position where it could probably be either on her staff or whateverelse you have and carry over shoulders. You guys approach the halfling: still unconscious, the armdraped out from the webbing. LAURA: Does he look injured at all? TALIESIN: It’s very dark still, also.MATT: It is very dark, and there’s still thistorch left in the center there where Yasha dropped it. LAURA: Oh shit. Can I have grabbed that as I walkover to him? MATT: Sure! You grab the torch and you bring itover. You get a close look. There’s the web mass in the corner. There’s the other bodies on theside, The halfling looks to be injured in the sense that it looks like they took a blow to thehead. There’s a slight bit of blood trickle along the hairline. LAURA: Can I put my hand on his head and cast CureWounds? MATT: Okay. Go ahead and roll for the hit pointsregained there. LAURA: Now. 11. LIAM: Actually, since I see that Jester has thiscovered, I’m going to start burning out the dead people and rooting through their pockets andstuff.MARISHA: I’ll still stick with Jester, though.Just in case he’s– LIAM: That’s good. MATT: There’s a moment after you finish casting itwhere the halfling shakes the head. “What’s going on?” LAURA: Blessed child. You are alive. Your saviorshave come. MATT: You see one eye is almost still glued shutfrom webbing that’s across the front of it, but he’s trying to open it. “I don’t understand.What’s going on?” SAM: You’re safe now! MATT: “Oh god! (panicked breathing).” He startslooking around, looking up at the faint bit of light now, which it’s now just passing sunset.Yousee a little bit of purple light coming through, and through the little bits of webbing, you cansee the grate that leads outside. He goes, “I don’t know how I got here.” LAURA: You don’t know how you got down here? Youdidn’t come to the sewer on your own? MATT: “Well I– Yeah, I guess.” MARISHA: What were you doing down here? MATT: “Well, I was just trying to get somewherequickly.” MARISHA: Insight check. MATT: Make an insight check. You see flamesbursting at the side. Every time, he flinches. MARISHA: 18. MATT: 18? ASHLEY: Whisper? SAM: Whispers. TRAVIS: Far Cry 5! SAM: Far Cry 5? I’ve heard about it. TRAVIS: Fantastic multiplayer and all-new setting.It takes place in the United States of America. LIAM: Oh man. Full of lessons for America today. TRAVIS: That’s right. I even heard you could checkit out. Ubisoft’s Far Cry 5. MATT: “I’m sorry, I’m just– oh god,” and he looksover and sees the other bodies on the wall and the webbing. He’s just, “(panicked screams) Help me!Please help me!” LAURA: No need to scream.We’re getting you out,don’t worry. LIAM: I’m only burning the dead ones! (firebillowing) TALIESIN: (muffled screams) SAM: I’m going to say in Halfling to the man: it’sokay, just calm down. Everything’s going to be fine. I start cutting him out. MATT: Okay. He nods. “Thank you,” back to you inHalfling. He’s beginning to cut him free. What did you say? MARISHA: Tapping into my background a little bit,I’m going to go: You know, I used to utilize the sewers back in the day. Real good to stay out ofsight. Move stuff quickly. MATT: “Yeah, well it’s important when you’re anale hand. You got to move product through the sewers quickly.” MARISHA: What are you moving? MATT: “Ale.” MARISHA: Okay. LAURA: Do you have a key to the grates? MATT: “Not a key, but I– I have a key.” LAURA: Can you give us the key? MATT: “You have to cut me free first.” MARISHA: Before we do that, what’s your name,friend? MATT: “Thed.” MARISHA: Ted? MATT: “Thed.” SAM, MARISHA, and LAURA: Thed.LAURA: I thought he said “dead”. LIAM: Thed is dead, baby. LAURA: Thed, where is the key? Which pocket is itin? MATT: “I’ll be happy to show you once you cut mefree.” LAURA: I can start digging. I start diggingthrough his pockets. MATT: Make an investigation check. At a closerlook, too, you can see he’s got short, spiky, dark hair and a little bit of a goatee that’s trimmedto a point at the end of the chin. The tattoos all across the neck look like they’re swirled,serpentine shapes that all fold and knot together, all across the throat, from front to back, like agiant dark band. LAURA: That’s a tattoo, you said? MATT: It’s a tattoo, yeah. MARISHA: Would I recognize that iconography orhave heard of that? Does that mean anything? MATT: Make an intelligence check.LIAM: It’s a Nickelback tattoo. (laughter) MARISHA: Oh, nope. That’s a big nope. That’s anatural one. SAM: I’m going to cut him out. MATT: Yeah, you don’t. Okay. You cut him free,he’s like (heavy breathing). LAURA: I rolled an 11 checking through hispockets. MATT: You do find he’s wearing some nice,black/gray leather armor. He has a pretty nasty-looking shortsword. It’s been altered to bejagged at the edge of the blade. He has a small leather case that’s tucked in the armor. Don’tfind a key. LAURA: Okay. TRAVIS: Jagged at the tip. MARISHA: Jester.What’s in that leather case? SAM: Do you have the stuff? Or did you– MATT: He’s free now, as you cut him free, and he’slike (labored breaths). He stands up and he rights himself, and checks everything and he looks to theleft and goes, “Um?” He points to the mass in the corner, and you see the mass that’s there. It’snot a series of bodies. It looks like it’s a slowly pulsing sac of some kind. LAURA: Oh no, eggs. Oh no! MATT: One of them (bursting) (skittering). MARISHA: Molly? Can you? LAURA: Kill it with fire! I Sacred Flame it. MATT: With a torch throwing and landing, and theSacred Flame igniting it, you watch as this cluster begins to burn as these tiny white andblue spiders begin to expand out the side.Some of them make it up the sides of the wall. TRAVIS: I hate spiders. I’m fucking out. MATT: You rush up and like crush a couple of them.Even baby-sized, they’re about that big. They’re all coming up and they begin to burn. LAURA: Got to kill them all! MATT: You go and start burning. It appears you’vegot them all. Some of them seem to have burned, some of them seem to have vanished. It’s hard totell. TALIESIN: No, I hear the commotion and comehalfway over and nothing seems– they’re burning spiders. LIAM: Caleb is blithely burning over here and hasno idea what’s going on behind him.TALIESIN: You are checking the bodies for things,right? LIAM: Of course I am. I’m waiting for the DM tofill in the blanks. TALIESIN: Well that’s fine, then. MATT: If you go to the other bodies, you get twosets of Crownsguard armor, and two longswords of the Crownsguard. ASHLEY: How much money was in the first twopurses? TRAVIS: Oh, the pouches that you took? MATT: Right, the total between those two was 15gold, 60 silver, and 20 copper. ASHLEY: Okay. LAURA: Just keeping all that for yourself, then,Yasha? LIAM: That’s five bodies. I don’t know if I gotthem all, but are there any coin purses as well? MATT: You do, and you go through. It’ll take you alittle while to go through all the bodies here, so we’ll get to see how many you get through here. LAURA: Did you say two sets of armor? Would thatfit in the bag? MATT: Hmm? LAURA: Would that fit in the bag? Two sets ofarmor? MATT: Well, I believe it would because it is avolume/space thing.It’ll take up a lot of space within the– and you have two two-foot by two-footspaces on the two sides, and then you have the main eight-foot cube section there, so. LAURA: Okay, we’ll bring these back to theCrownsguard and hopefully get some reward. MATT: You do find another pair of studded leatherarmor that has like a sea motif to it.There’s shells pressed into it, and a wave pattern on theedges. The person it’s attached to has a bunch of tattoos across their body as well, that insinuatea lot of time at sea, different names of different ships that are different points of faded on thebody. They may have been a sailor at some point in their life and has expired under here. LIAM: Yeah, I will quietly gather that up and putit into my bag. MATT: Okay. Well, the armor’s a full set, soit’ll– LIAM: Am I able to carry that? I don’t even know. MATT: Yeah, I mean, it’s a leather chest plate,leather arm bands and bracers, and then leg plates as well, so it’s a full set. You could probablyfit all that into your bag if it’s the only thing that’s in your bag. LIAM: Okay. MATT: You stuff it all in there. Beyond that,going through them, for the sake of brevity here, you find an additional 85 gold pieces, 210 silver,and 45 copper. LIAM: 85– what was it? SAM and TRAVIS: Gold. LIAM: Yeah.85 gold. MATT: 210 silver and 45 copper. LAURA: Is everybody a greedy fuck in this game andwe just keep whatever? LIAM: I am not telling you that I found that atall. LAURA: Cool. TRAVIS: He dies first. TALIESIN: We see him collecting everything,anyway. MATT: Yeah, while you guys are all talking to thisguy, Caleb is going from body to body, putting everything in his pockets.He’s not being sneaky. CALEB: Yeah, but you’re not standing like rightover, looking down. You see me feeling at the bodies. MARISHA: No, but we’re all of the same breed; weget what you’re doing. LIAM: You know I’m looking, but you don’t knowwhat I found. TALIESIN: We know you’re going to lie about it. MARISHA: Yeah. LIAM: Sorry, because everyone is so lovely, canyou tell me– TRAVIS: 85, 210– LIAM: 85? MATT: Gold pieces. 210 silver, and 45 copper. LIAM: Okay. LAURA: Vex never lied about the loot we found. LIAM: I don’t give a fuck what Vex did. LAURA: Never once. Never once, for all the shitshe got for being greedy, she never once lied about the loot. TALIESIN: She was a good person. SAM: Yes, but she was a horrible person. ASHLEY: It’s true. LAURA: She’s a terrible half-elf. LIAM: Vex is retired in Whitestone right now.She’s not here. MARISHA: I’m sensing a lingering sibling rivalry. MATT: I know. It’s carried over. MARISHA: Hanging over the table. LIAM: I’m clearly Lawful Good. Clearly. MARISHA: What’s Thed doing? MATT: Well, he’s checked all his things, and hegoes, “Okay, I thank you all so much for your help.I really appreciate it. You’ve saved mylife.” MARISHA: I’m going to do that lean up against thewall thing over the top of him. MATT: Okay, as he’s doing this, he smiles. You cansee he’s missing two teeth to the side and he has a septum piercing up in his nose that he rightsand pulls back down again so it’s visible and he’s like, “(sniff) All right.” MARISHA: You real thankful? MATT: “Yeah.” MARISHA: Real grateful? You feel like we did you agood service today? MATT: “I’d happily pay you, but your friendalready took all my money.” LAURA: I didn’t take anything from you! MARISHA: I just want one– LAURA: I didn’t take anything from his pockets. MATT: That’s what he’s saying. LAURA: (gasp) MARISHA: I just want something in return. Youknow, you provide a service, get something in return, right? MATT: “What– if I can be of service, I’d be happyto.” MARISHA: Who’s the Gentleman? SAM: Ooh.MATT: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” MARISHA: Oh, friend. TALIESIN: I heard “Gentleman.” I’m walking over. MARISHA: Oh friend, I don’t need to roll aninsight check to know that’s bullshit. MATT: “I apologize, I don’t– I apologize. I don’tknow what you’re talking about.” ASHLEY: Wait, was was it? TALIESIN: Who’s the Gentleman. SAM: I’m going to get closer to Thed and say inThieves’ Cant– LIAM: Yes! SAM: You can trust us. We’re one of you. MATT: Make a persuasion check. LIAM: Yes! SAM: Natural 20. (cheering) MATT: Oh, fuck! He glances down at you, lookstaken aback, and returns to you in Thieves’ Cant and says, “And the rest of your compatriots?” SAM: They’re cool.MATT: Switching back to Common, he goes, “Look. Icannot tell you anything, except for, if you want to find him, there is a place you can inquire. IfI give you any more information and that gets around, I am deader than that spider would haveleft me.” MARISHA: All right. Where do I inquire? MATT: He sighs for a second. “There’s a dive,naught but five blocks from here, called The Evening Nip.” MARISHA: The Evening Nip. SAM: We’ve heard that before! LAURA: Yeah, it’s in the letter! MARISHA: All right. MATT: “Don’t say his name. Just walk up to the oldman behind the counter and mention you’d like a drink, and while you have no coin, you’d bewilling to offer many gifts.” MARISHA: I’d like a drink– TRAVIS: I have no coin, willing to offer manygifts.MARISHA: No coin. MATT: “‘Many gifts’ is the important part. Now, Ihope that’s been of service, and I– as you seem to be the types who see it fit to save a personthat you haven’t met in the bottom of a terrible sewer, I would hope that you would be kind enoughto know that that information did not come from me, and that you’ve never seen me before in yourentire life.” TALIESIN: Oh. MARISHA: What’s your name? LAURA: His name was Thed.TALIESIN: Of course, friend, we’ve never seen youbefore in our entire life. MATT: “As I haven’t seen you, either.” LAURA: I didn’t take anything from your pockets. Ireally didn’t. TALIESIN: Does anything about his tattoo irritateme? MATT: It’s not very well done. TALIESIN: You know what I mean. MATT: Yeah. No. TALIESIN: All right. MATT: Okay. LAURA: You really do have like a key to thegrates, like an extra one? MATT: “I mean– ” He looks up behind him and says,”I’ve got mine, but I need it for my work.” TALIESIN: That’s fair. TRAVIS: Pretty sure we can call for someone withour– MATT: He glances over towards Nott and says,”Unless I’m mistaken, it appears you have a female friend here who could probably help you get aroundthat anyway.” SAM: I could try. MATT: “Anyway. I bid you all adieu.” He pullshis hood up over his head and his little halfling feet quickly carry him back in the direction whereyou guys travel the sewer.SAM: Watch out for poo rats! MATT: (distant yell) “I’m aware!” TRAVIS: How many of these victims were other thancrownsguard? Any civilians or women, children? MATT: No children. One of them appears to be awoman in her 40s or so. A lot of them appear to be dressed in heavy leathers. They may have beeneither coming through to try to clear up parts of the sewer; some of them look very poor, and mayhave come down here in hopes of scavenging whatever had fallen down into the sewer andcollected over time. Some of them appear to be similarly dressed as Thed, or at least have asomewhat skulking-type demeanor about their wares. MARISHA: Anybody have any neck tattoos that looklike serpents? MATT: No. There are a handful that look like theyprobably have traveled this route before and got caught up in it. TRAVIS: Well, what did you find on the bodies?Sorry. MARISHA: No– are– go ahead. TRAVIS: Yeah. What did we find? LIAM: There was a bunch of weapons and armor. TRAVIS: Nice. TALIESIN: And some coin. TRAVIS: Anything unique? Any unique things? TALIESIN: Why don’t we get into some daylight andtake a look? TRAVIS: Sure.LIAM: We should reconnoiter to look at what wehave. LAURA: Anything else interesting in the room,outside of the bodies? MATT: Outside of the bodies? It looks like thereis broken bits of what would have been furniture or a cart at some time that got discarded orshoved down here from above. Other than that, just the general refuse you’ve come across down here inthe sewer. TALIESIN: We do have a spider body to pick. TRAVIS: Can I happen to see– am I able to see theguy with all the tattoos of ships and stuff? MATT: Yeah, you see him. TRAVIS: Oh, cool. Do I recognize any of the namesof ships, or any imagery? MATT: Make an investigation check on that. TRAVIS: Ugh. 11. MATT: Okay. Looking about them, and what you canrummage through, he’s pretty much naked other than his underoos.Looking through, there’s like theMidnight Lorry, you don’t recognize that name at all; there’s one of them that’s the Shell Carrier,don’t recognize that one. There’s one name that catches your attention; it was called the PinkGiver, and it came through your ports at one point. You remember it coming into port, you werepaid to take care of it, offload things, back on– The name itself was derived by a wooden carving atthe front bow of the ship that was of a mermaid with her arms extended that was gifting a humanheart that was painted with this vibrant pink color that was its signifying visual.Yeah. Otherthan that, nothing particular about it, just that you were like, “Oh yes, I know that ship.” TRAVIS: Yeah. ASHLEY: Is the Broken Howl on there? LAURA: Aww. MATT: It’s on the back. LIAM: Throwback! ASHLEY: That looks like a piece of shit ship. (laughter) TALIESIN: (sings) Continuity. Roll forcontinuity. MARISHA: Beau turns to Nott. Hey girl. SAM: Yeah. MARISHA: That little code you were talking.SAM: (clicks tongue) MARISHA: See any of that written around thesewalls, or something that looks similar to it? SAM: I can look around. Thieves’ Cant is a writtenor spoken thing? LAURA: Both. MATT: It’s almost universally spoken, and as alanguage it’s used for extended ciphers. Make an investigation check. MARISHA: Can I help him out, see if I spotanything? Give him an assisted roll? MATT: You can, if you want to assist him. SAM: 19. MATT: You have advantage on it because she’shelping you. SAM: 19. MATT: Okay. Glancing about, you can see behind therungs, there’s about a two-inch gap across the wall. There is a very, very faint scratch into itthat says, although not referring directly to yours, it says “Money pot.” MARISHA: Money pot? MATT: Yes. SAM: (whispers) Money pot? (louder) It says,”Money pot!” MATT: Which catches you off-guard, because you’relike, “That’s one of our–” SAM: That’s one of our one-shots! MARISHA: What, what? SAM: That’s one of our things, but that’s not– itcan’t– it’s not us.We weren’t down here before, were we? TRAVIS: Insight check. (laughter) LAURA: I wonder if this grate leads up into theTri-Spires, then. Maybe it means lots of rich people are up here. SAM: Maybe. Maybe this is the name– maybe they’venamed all the entrances and exits or something like that. LAURA: Maybe. Easy pickings. TALIESIN: Maybe they buried something here. LAURA: If they don’t allow the criminals in, thenthey’d be real easy to pickpocket, because no one would expect it. MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: One way to find out.SAM: Should we try to jimmy this lock and getout? LAURA: Well, we can probably call up. We have thewrit. SAM: Okay. Well, do we need to get the spiderfirst? LAURA: Well, it’s all tied up. Me and Yasha canprobably– ASHLEY: We got it, yeah. MARISHA: I’ll put a little bundle on my staff aswell. LIAM: Jester, will you come look at my eyes? Theyfeel a little bloodshot, I’m not feeling well after my encounter with the rats. LAURA: Sure. I put my hands on either side of hisface. Can I see anything weird? LIAM: Wait, come over here. TALIESIN: I’m walking over with this, too.LIAM: Come over here. I walk away from the group. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: I don’t know if she follows me or not. LAURA: I do, I do. LIAM: There was gold in there. I would like you tohave it. It’s more than I had before. Here is 100 gold were on those people, so you take it becauseI know that you need money. LAURA: Caleb, I don’t– LIAM: I know that you need money, and I’m very,you know, look at this. And I do a little joke. LAURA: Those are really, really strong. LIAM: That’s sad and funny at the same time. Youcarry the gold, because I can’t carry it all. LAURA: Okay, but I’m not keeping it just for me,you know. LIAM: That’s fine. LAURA: It’s for both of us. LIAM: Well, that’s why you wanted money, I assume,from your mother, was to help us out in the position we’re in.LAURA: Of course. LIAM: Yeah, so you take this, you’re a better, youknow, I’m always thinking about things, and I’m not very good with amounts and money. So you carryit. LAURA: Caleb. Thank you. And I’m sorry. LIAM: You know, I just had a really bad day today,that’s all it was. I guess I’m sorry as well. LAURA: Do you need curing, though? Because youreyes do look bloodshot.LIAM: No, that was, I’m fine. I’m going to stareat the wall because I don’t know how to deal with attention very well. MATT: While this is happening, what are you guysdoing? TALIESIN: I’m waiting for them to break up, and Isuppose we’re packing the spider up to bring topside. ASHLEY: I really hide the money that I found. SAM: I’m taking at least one button off of everysingle person in the– MATT: Easy enough to do. You have quite acollection going. SAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: I’m just waiting. MATT: You guys have reconvened, you’ve gatheredyour things, the spider has been– all the legs have been pulled up and wrapped and you haveeither Beau’s staff or something else to lift it with on both sides, because it’s pretty heavy,it’s going to take two of you to carry. LAURA: All right, we’ll carry it. ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: It would have to be you two, it’s prettystrong. The two of you lift it.ASHLEY: Are we the strongest? LAURA: Oh my gosh, yes. ASHLEY: Oh! (laughter) MATT: So where are you guys going? LAURA: Because you have a big lollipop to carry. SAM: We’ve got to go up. LAURA: Up these things, into the money pot. MATT: Okay. So. Who’s going first? TRAVIS: Nott? LAURA: Well, somebody that can talk to theguards. TRAVIS and TALIESIN: Nott. SAM: I don’t know, guys. All right, I’ll try.(shouting) Hello? We’re stuck down here, and we want to come up. Let us out of the sewers.Let usup! MATT: As you climb up, Nott, and look through, thesun has set, and the night has gone purple to dark, navy blue as night has taken it. You glanceup through and you’re looking out into a dark alleyway. You see two sides of an alley, shadedand dark. About maybe 25 feet ahead, it opens up into a fine cobblestone road. You can see finebuildings across the way, you see the lanterns are light in the center of the town. You have not beento this part of the town, but it’s pretty well kept, and no one seems to be immediately around tohear you. LAURA: Is it locked? MATT: It is locked. LAURA: Can you pick the lock? SAM: Oh, yeah. MATT: Go ahead and make a lock picking check.SAM: What is that, sleight of hand? MATT: No, it’s your thieves’ tools, so yourproficiency bonus plus your dex bonus. SAM: Dex bonus is four, proficiency is three, plus12 is– MATT: Well, two, isn’t it? LAURA: Yeah, I think it’s just two right now. SAM: Oh, it’s just two? Okay. MATT: It’d be six. SAM: 18. MATT: 18. It takes a moment, and you have to reacharound the other side and it opens up, and the bars push open.The gap here, into the back ofthis alleyway, is about two feet tall. Each of you can get out comfortably. That spider is going toneed some squeezing. TALIESIN: We’ll give it a push. SAM: We can move it up first. MATT: You guys, one by one, get up back topside.You manage to push it through. It damages the body, parts of it break and slide off, it’s notdesigned to fill through that space, but it’s still mostly intact. MARISHA: I’m imagining the Play-doh funfactories. MATT: Not quite that bad, but it definitelydoesn’t look as pretty on the other side. TALIESIN: I hang back for a second, and I veryquickly, gently, socially pin Caleb to the wall. Face to face, as awkwardly close as I can get. LIAM: I am definitely not looking you in the eye. TALIESIN: No, you’re not. Hey, Caleb. I’m fine ifyou skim something off the top, that’s fair, but be clever about it. Just distribute 60 or 70percent of what you find, okay? Good boy. Give him a little slap on the face, and then I go up. LIAM: Nothing from me.MATT: So you all eventually gather up at the top,street side. It’s completely dark, the night sky is above you, you can see the warm lantern lightacross the various street intersections, and along the path in front of the various buildings. Youdefinitely recognize this, Jester. This is indeed the Tri-Spires district. LAURA: Hey you guys, this is where my hotel is. TRAVIS: Oh. Well, wasn’t the plan to have a, whatdid you call it? MARISHA: (shouting) Room party! LIAM: What time of the day is it? MATT: It is night, it is freshly night.LIAM: But what time of the day is it, because Iknow. TALIESIN: Party time. LIAM: Very, very close to what time it is. I knowsundown, sunup. MATT: Yeah, it’s sundown. I’d say with the time ittook you to scavenge the bodies, about 30 or 40 minutes after the sun’s set completely. LIAM: What time does the sun set? TRAVIS: Oh Jesus Christ. Garmin over here. LAURA: Are you trying to figure out if the storesare still open? LIAM: Does it look dark? Of course I am. MARISHA: We can’t ask Siri here, we don’t know.LIAM: That’s the feat I took. It’s Siri. Does itlook like stores are open? That’s all I’m asking. MATT: Yeah, probably. I mean, in this district,shops are still open past sundown for a little bit, but the later in the evening it gets, many ofthem close down. Some shops stay open later, you don’t know. LIAM: Let’s go to this room party you are talkingabout. SAM: Wait, to get the spider inside the hotel,we’ll need a clever disguise for it. A hat, a beard, perhaps. LAURA: Good call. I’ll get out my disguise kit andput a mustache on the spider. LIAM: Also, Nott, mask up for sure, yeah? Forsure. Maybe earmuffs, it’s very cold. SAM: I could do a spell and make myself look likesomeone else. LIAM: That did not work very well for me severalhours ago, I think maybe you want to use tangible things here.Use the earmuffs, use the hat, usethe mask. SAM: Mask and earmuffs should make me look justperfect. LIAM: You also have a hood, so it’s nighttime,with the hood up, in the dark, yeah? SAM: I like it. LAURA: It’s really bright and shiny in the hotel,though. TRAVIS: If I may, you raise a good point, Nott. Ifwe for some reason get caught being where we’re not supposed to, I think that writ only allows usto kill this beast and return it for the coin. LIAM: Yeah, we’re not supposed to be here. TRAVIS: I would not want to gamble with our rewardof 700 gold. Perhaps we should leave and collect our reward and then find our revelries elsewhere. MARISHA: I mean, to be fair, we know how to gethere through the sewers now, we can always come back. TRAVIS: This is a good point. LAURA: Should we just make it straight– MARISHA: Make a beeline? LAURA: Just go straight and just stay.TRAVIS: We can walk. LAURA: Yeah, let’s go straight out and leave andgo to the Crownsguard. TRAVIS: Yeah, the King’s Hall. MARISHA: Let’s do it. LAURA: Maybe we should shut the gate up and thenlock it. SAM: Good idea. LAURA: So they don’t know. MATT: So you remark it, you close it. You guysstep out into the main street, and you’ve traveled through here before, you immediately think, ohthat’s where the nearest exit gate in the direction of the hall would be. You guys get abouta block before two of the patrolling crownsguard stop and look at this troupe of people walkingwith a giant, brutalized spider, bright white and blue. TRAVIS: Dinner. MATT: Immediately jogs up, both of them. “Excuseme, what are you doing here?” LAURA: Oh yes, don’t worry, we’re staying at thePillow Trove, but we have this very beautiful writ.MATT: Takes the writ, and they both look at it.The other one has his hand on the side of his blade, each looking very closely at each of you.And you are a motley lot. Going through all of you, sneering a bit in the direction of Caleb. LIAM: I have a hood on. MATT: Yeah. A bit frightened at the vision ofYasha, and confused at the sight of Mollymauk. He finishes reading the writ. “Okay, very well, butwe will escort you to the gates and you can “continue this on to the hall.” LAURA: Thank you! MATT: “How did you get this in here?” LAURA: Oh, we are really powerful. MARISHA: We’re the Mighty Nein. LAURA: We killed it! We took care of the monsterproblem. MATT: Looks back at the other guard, and theyshare a brief glance. “Right, very well. Let us “leave, then.” They escort you towards theentrance. The opening gate where you guys had passed through, you move through and out into theInterstead Sprawl, at the exact gates where you guys had entered, or you had entered, and you hadattempted the night before.LIAM: Yeah, on the way there, too, I also turn toone of these guards and say, excuse me, could you point me where we are, right now, which way to theNestled Nook from here. You’ve heard of this bookstore? MATT: “I didn’t, well, the Nestled Nook, did yousay?” LIAM: You don’t have to pretend with me, it’sfine. MATT: He points over that way, he goes, “To thesouth side of the Silken Terrace, look for the “small greenish hut-looking building.” LIAM: Thank you. LAURA: We’re going to clean up, we’ll be back.This is not normally how we dress, ugh, we were in the sewers. MATT: They escort you out. (laughs) Get youquickly out of the district carrying a giant, bloodied, awful-looking spider. As you’re makingyour way, some of the folks that are walking through start gasping at the sight, and whisperingto each other, pointing. Some begin to approach, and somebody else grabs their shoulder, and pullsthem back. You become this slow-moving sight through this district. TRAVIS: Yeah, Mighty Nein, stay back. Nein. (laughter) MATT: All right, you guys eventually make your wayback to the hall.LIAM: You know, I grew up with this language. TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: So you’re outside the King’s Hall. As youapproach, some of the guards rush up to you and, “Hail! What do you carry and bring here to the–What is this thing?” TALIESIN: These papers? Oh, that’s a spider. LAURA: The evil monster that was killingeverything. MARISHA: Yeah, you might want to send someone tocollect your dead too, by the by. TRAVIS and TALIESIN: Quite a few. MATT: You bring him in. Some more of the guardsbegin to gather around and then Voloshin is pulled from his interior office somewhere. As he stepsforward he says, “All right, they tell me–oh, “goodness me! That’s a beastie.” He tugs on the endof his chin beard for a second. “So this is it, “this is the one?” TRAVIS: Indeed, in fact it would turn invisiblewhen it wasn’t trying to stick its fangs into all of our gang.MATT: (shouting) “Someone wake up Cloen!” MARISHA: Who the hell is Cloyde? MATT: “Cloen, and he was the one survived–” MARISHA: Cloyde? MATT: Cloen. ASHLEY: Cloyne? MARISHA: Cloine. MATT: Clo-en. MARISHA: That is not what I heard at all. TRAVIS: With that accent, all those lettersdisappear. TALIESIN: There’s also an egg sac that got takencare of. LAURA: Oh my gosh, lots and lots and lots of babyspiders. MATT: He goes to the other guards, “Go down there,double check, make sure everything is good, go.” Eventually you watch as another guard is broughtin. He has a night shirt on, and he looks like he was woken up, he’s a little drowsy.”What’s going on, I– oh! That thing, that’s the “thing!” He looks immediately scared.Hegoes, “Great, send him back to bed. Well, that’s “what we needed.” MARISHA: Send him back to bed? You should let thatguy go for leave for medical absence, that’s rough, man. MATT: “You look like just the person I would takeadvice from when it comes to administrating my people.” TRAVIS: Don’t punch him, don’t, no. MARISHA: No, he’s got a fair point. I’ll give himthat. TALIESIN: You don’t look like an administrator, Imean, that’s actually almost a compliment. MARISHA: You know, yeah, it’s fair. MATT: “I’m impressed, I will go ahead and retrieveyour payments to the Mighty Seven.” LAURA and TRAVIS: Nein.TRAVIS: We lost two in the sewers. (laughter) MATT: “I’m sorry to hear that, that’s terrible.” TALIESIN: Extra pay would soften the blow. MATT: Make a deception check. (laughter) TRAVIS: Oh yeah. I’m moderately okay at this! Ohno! MARISHA: Oh, come on! Oh, it’s not too bad. TRAVIS: Okay, deception, where the fuck is it? Oh,it’s 11. MATT: He goes, “That’s really too bad. Anyway,I’ll be right back.” LAURA: We have armor too, of some of your fallenpeople, will you reward us for that, thank you! MARISHA: Yeah, you can buy it back for us or wecan go pawn it, your choice. MATT: “That is property of the Crown, thank youvery much.” MARISHA: Well, unfortunately, it’s property in herbag right now, and it’s real tough to get out of that bag.LAURA: Beau! SAM: Don’t tell them about the bag. LAURA: Stop it, we’re about to get our reward,stop being a shithead right now. MARISHA: Sorry, fair. MATT: “If you would be as kind to remember thesefallen soldiers who protect you and the people of “this city, by delivering unto us the armor andweaponry that they had been lost with, I would be “happy to go forward with delivering your reward.” TRAVIS: Who picked up all those items, anyway? LAURA: I have them. Here’s two sets of armor. MATT: Two of the guards collect them. LAURA: And two extra helmets. LIAM: Side note: I did not come in this building.I’m hanging back and giving Identify a whirl on what’s in my bag. That other armor. Outside. SAM: Ooh. TALIESIN: Travis will never see that card. MATT: He comes back. They bring a small chest. SAM: The card that says “give to Travis.” MATT: “700 gold pieces. Hand me the writ, please.Thank you very much, and I appreciate that,” and he sets it out and hands it to you.”So. You seemable-bodied. You’ve pulled through on something “where few have been able to. If you’re looking formore work, I’m sure we’ll have things. Bit light “at the moment, but where can we find you, if we’relooking for you?” TRAVIS: We’re staying over at the– LAURA: Leaky Tap. TRAVIS: Although some of us were taking up at aroom at the– LAURA: At the Pillow Trove, yes. MATT: (laughing) “Of course you do. Leaky Tap,good to know. All right, now shove off.” LAURA: What does that mean, “of course you do?” MATT: Well, of course you do. ASHLEY: She has a room there.MATT: Of course she does. LAURA: I do have a room there! I pull out my key.I have a room. MATT: Ah. Fair play. Now, shove off. LAURA: I don’t know why it mattered. (laughter) TRAVIS: 700 gold. MATT: As the Herald turns and Voloshin’s there,the guards gather the armor and the weapons and stuff. LAURA: Just the armor. I didn’t give back theswords. MATT: Okay. Good to know. MARISHA: Nice. ASHLEY: Stick it to the man. MARISHA: Hell yeah! MATT: A voice comes through the hall and goes,”Wait.I’d like to meet them.” Voloshin stops and goes, “Of course, Lawmaster.” He steps back and,from around the side of the hall, from one of the doors on the left side of the building, a humanwoman comes through, in her early 60s. Once-brown hair has turned mostly gray and shoulder-length,it’s curled up a bit into a soft bob on the sides. She’s older, her face is weathered and has seensome time. She’s wearing robes of gold and white, but they seem to be not ceremonial, or at least worn enough to the point where they look like they’re worn for comfort.She steps forward, and she has these warmbrown eyes that peek through this face. “Sorry to “bother all of you. Word just came to me that youwere successful in taking care of this beast in “the sewers. I am Lawmaster Orentha and I justwanted to extend my thanks. It’s not often that “folks are willing to go to lengths and put theirlives on the line for the honor of those fallen of “the Crownsguard, and those within the Hall of theKing, so I just wanted to say I appreciate that.” TRAVIS: Of course. We appreciate the law in thistown, and the services you provide.You can lean on us for any further needs you might have. MATT: “The Crown appreciates it, the people of thecity appreciate it, and I appreciate it. Thank “you.” She turns around and shuffles back into thehallway. Everyone goes about their business again and begins shoving you off towards the door. LAURA: She seemed really nice. TRAVIS: Yeah. SAM: Why did all those people want to rebelagainst her? MARISHA: She’s still a part of the crownsguard.She’s still a part of the system. SAM: She seems nice, though. MARISHA: Yeah, they’re nice individuallysometimes, but they’re still a part of a shitty whole. A real shithole. LAURA and TRAVIS: “A shitty hole.” SAM: There’s not a lot of shades of gray in yourworld, are there? It’s just shit, or not shit.MARISHA: It’s been a long day. TRAVIS: (laughs) “A shitty hole.” MATT: What’s the casting time on Identify again? LIAM: As a ritual, it’s 11 minutes. MATT: You guys would be exiting the building justas you’ve finished that process. You complete it, take a moment to think it over, and you hear themall exiting and talking to themselves, as they’re ribbing Beau on the way out. You quickly gatheryour things. MARISHA: Look, I don’t mean to have resting bitchface, okay? TRAVIS: Yeah, but it hasn’t changed at all. MARISHA: I’m working on it. TRAVIS: If anything, later in the day it getsworse. I’m just letting you know. LIAM: It’s not so much restive as active. TALIESIN: Yes, it’s like working bitch face. MARISHA: That’s cool. LIAM: The bag’s closed. You don’t see shit. MARISHA: You’re real quick. LIAM: I heard you coming. You’re loud. You’re alot.And that’s Liam to Marisha. MARISHA: Oh honey, I know. (laughter) SAM: Are we each taking 100 gold? LAURA: Yes, 100 gold. I was going to waituntil we got somewhere private to do it, but sure. Everyone take 100 gold. TALIESIN: Look at that. That’s brilliant. SAM: We did it, and we never have to do anotheradventure again. Right? TALIESIN: I don’t know about you, I’ve got goals. LIAM: Campaign three, next week. MATT: Yup. That was it, thank you for watching. TALIESIN: I’m working towards something. SAM: Towards something? What? TALIESIN: Something. SAM: What?! TALIESIN: Buy me a drink and I’ll tell you. SAM: All right. LIAM: What’s the plan now? LAURA: We all smell like poop! LIAM: To go to this place? ASHLEY: Bathhouse? LIAM: No, we are going to The Pillow House, ja?The Pillow Trove? The Pillow Place? LAURA: Yeah, but we should probably get cleanedup, because they’re just going to stop us the minute we get inside. Should we go and see Pumat Sol, andsee if he’ll make us clean? TRAVIS: We do have some extra coin.Maybe he’s gotsome fancier shit to buy. LIAM: Also, as long as we’re in here– I couldn’tget in earlier, but we’re here now– there is a stop. I wanted you to go with me. LAURA: We’re not in the Tri-Spires anymore. LIAM: Where are we now? MATT: You guys are back at the King’s Hall, backin the Interstead Sprawl. LIAM: That’s a bummer. MARISHA: We got to shower. TRAVIS: For someone who knows the exact timeof night, you are shit with directions. LIAM: That’s up to him, not me. MATT: I thought I was pretty clear. Everyone elsegot it. LIAM: Liam is very different than Caleb. MATT: That’s okay. MARISHA: You know memory is different thanbeing able to tell the time of day by the sun, right? LIAM: Hm? No, I remember everything that happensin the last month.I don’t, Caleb does. I have a Clippy. I have a magic Clippy. MARISHA: Yeah, that’s fine, but time of day. LIAM: Time of day, I know. That’s part of thefeat. I know the hour of the day. MARISHA: That’s bananas. You should be able tolook at the sun and say, “oh, six.” LIAM: I am so cheating by following the rules inthe book. MATT: I know. Right now it’s close to 8:30, 9:00.It’s still early evening-ish. TALIESIN: Dinner, and bad decisions, andcleanliness would be great. LAURA: We have to get not stinky before we eat,okay? TRAVIS: Agreed. Should we head back, clean up? SAM: Sounds good. MATT: You guys, easy enough, find your way back toThe Leaky Tap, where you can utilize the washroom to get yourselves back to a personable state.LIAM: On the stroll: Fjord? TRAVIS: Yeah? LIAM: I want to talk to you about how that wentback there. Can we walk alone for a minute? TRAVIS: Sure, if you’d like. LIAM: Let’s drag back. Two things. One is, Ididn’t bring it up, even though maybe Beauregard knows, but I found something in there that I thinkis up your alley. I found some armor, beyond just crownsguard armor, down there. I mean, listen, myfriend. You spit out salt water. You’ve got a sword that’s covered in fucking anemones andshit. TRAVIS: I’m not repeating that word. LIAM: This armor is like the Little Mermaid armor.It’s all for you. I found it, but I would like to trade it for you. Yeah, you have that glove, and Iknow I handed it over willingly just yesterday, but I have a checkered past and an interestinghistory with flame. Fire. There’s no real reason. You’d be very good with that glove, but I feellike I would like to have that glove, and I would love for you to have this armor.I took a look atit while you guys were inside, and it would allow you to move freely in the ocean or in rivers orlakes, underwater, and keep you safe in water. TRAVIS: Wow. Wish I had that before. Yeah, I thinka trade would be fine, but I’ll trade you for a story of why your past is so checkered with flame.You seem to trust in me enough to tell me about it. LIAM: I don’t trust you yet. I don’t trust any ofthese people yet, except for– No, I don’t trust any of these people yet. TRAVIS: That’s too bad. LIAM: Ja. I’ve made mistakes in my life. I’veharmed people. Not in a long time. You know, I thought I was going to be something, someday, along time ago, and now I don’t.Oh, god. Ask me again in a couple of days. I will prepare ananswer that is better than this for you, I promise. TRAVIS: Sure. You know, we’ve all harmed people,but I hope that you will learn to trust me, in time, and I appreciate you sharing that. Here, I’mfairly certain that you will do far more damage with this than my shitty attempt did.LIAM: Thank you. TRAVIS: Of course. Thanks for the armor. What doesit look like? (laughter) MATT: It’s a darker gray, but elements of whereit’s been pressed in with leather scrolling, designed to look almost like waves curling on theouter parts of the different leather plates, have a very faint turquoise inlay color on the insidethat you can only see when it’s directly lit. It looks like a very beautiful set of leather armor.There’s no arms to it, other than the bracer plates right there, there’s no sleeve. There yougo.It’s got an arm guard and a bracer there, shoulder piece, the torso portion, a couple ofplates that go over that, and some leg guards. TRAVIS: All good things. Thank you for this. LIAM: Thank you. No, you’ve go to go higher. TRAVIS: Yeah, you’re welcome. MARISHA: Don’t want to interrupt your “broment.” LIAM: Oh, hi. You want to be part of the bromoment? Or a Beau moment? MARISHA: I’m not here. I am not here. LIAM: I thought you were, I thought you’d walkedup. LAURA: Are we going to bed, or are we what? MATT: What are you guys doing? TRAVIS: We’re going to get clean first, becausegood god, we’re going to clear out that fucking tavern. MATT: We’ll say you got clean for the expediencyof the story. We don’t have to roleplay through your bathing individually. TRAVIS: But Matt– MATT: Unless you really want to. Always stop me ifyou want to have a moment. LIAM: We went to the bathhouse to get clean? MATT: No, you went back to The Leaky Tap. LIAM: By the way, part of the reason I didn’t washup at The Leaky Tap is because, in medieval times, they didn’t have baths.I thought, this isn’t theSheraton, they don’t have a bath. LAURA: We’re pretending that there’s a bath. MATT: This isn’t medieval times. In the fantasyworld, it’s a weird mixture of different time periods, and when I say they have a washroom, Imean it’s a basin with water that is replaced every couple hours that people communally come upand wash in.It’s not the cleanest water, and it’s probably been used by other people as well, and ifyou bathe fully in it, it might be changed before the next two or three people use it. LIAM: I was under the assumption that you had tobe de Rolo level to have a bath in your house. MATT: In your house. They have one washroom forthe multitude of rooms the entire tavern has, and the water is changed every few hours, maybe.That’s what I’m saying. But it’s functional. LAURA: That’s why we should have gone to PumatSol’s. TALIESIN: That’s why people have bathhouses, toclean up. SAM: When Fjord’s taking a bath, I’m going to gothrough his stuff and try to find his letter. LAURA: His letter? SAM: The letter for the Solstryce Academy. MATT: Okay. Go ahead and make a stealth check.SAM: Not good. 15. MATT: 15? Would you have taken your stuff in withyou? TALIESIN: Or would I still be in the room? MATT: Molly would probably still be in the room. SAM: I got to stealth past Molly, or get him outof the room. MATT: You do. Make a perception check, Molly. TRAVIS: I’m certainly not trying to hide it. TALIESIN: Let’s call that a 20. MATT: You watch as Nott slowly creeps into theroom, heading over towards Fjord’s pack.SAM: Ooh. TALIESIN: Whatcha doing? SAM: (yells) There’s no liquor in here, oh boy, I bettergo down to the bar. TALIESIN: What were you looking for? SAM: Nothing. Liquor. TALIESIN: Were you looking for this? I hold up afolded piece of paper. SAM: (gasps) TALIESIN: What will you give me for it? SAM: I’ll give you a whole gold piece. TALIESIN: No, something– I don’t want money, Iwant something, give me something. SAM: Two gold pieces! TALIESIN: Not gold pieces. What do you have? SAM: Let me look– (laughter) SAM: I have a vial of acid.TALIESIN: That’ll do. (laughter) SAM: What is this? TALIESIN: It’s a blank piece of paper. SAM: Ah, fuck you! (laughter) SAM: Maybe it’s invisible ink. TALIESIN: I hand back the acid. Don’t try and gothrough his stuff, you’re just going to get caught. SAM: All right. TALIESIN: What did we talk about grumpy people? SAM: You’re right, he’s not very grumpy. He shouldbe. If I barfed up salt water every morning I would be grumpy. TALIESIN: Maybe if he spends more time around Beauhe’ll get grumpier. SAM: You know what, I think he is grumpy, but hestands next to Beau so much that he looks happy. (laughter) TRAVIS: Grumpy-ass wingman makes me look better incomparison. MATT: I mean. TALIESIN: That’s a fair point. I stand up. Don’tgo through my things, I know everything I have.And I walk out the door. And I walk by him. She’sgoing through your stuff, by the way. TRAVIS: Who? Which one? TALIESIN: I’ve already walked away. TRAVIS: I shuffle in with like a towel. Nott! Whatthe fuck! (laughter) TRAVIS: Get out! SAM: I’m sorry! TRAVIS: Shoo! Shoo! (laughter) TRAVIS: Son of a bitch! TALIESIN: I am downstairs having a drink.(laughter) MATT: All right. You finish your baths, you allconvene down in the tavern. Yeah. When you guys come down there and begin to reconvene, about twotables away you see, sitting alone with a tankard, a familiar dwarven figure to both Beau and Fjord. MARISHA: Oh, wait. MATT: Ulog, who you had met before. SAM: Ulog? MATT: Ulog, with a “G”. MARISHA: Oh, Ulog! Not “lok”? SAM: The dwarf, from the Knights of Requital. TRAVIS: Oh, with the buzzed head. MATT: Yeah, you watch as you guys approach and assoon as you all gather at the table, he gets up and walks over. MARISHA: He was the one who was super not-coolwith us being there, super angry. MATT: He seemed to be, yeah. MARISHA: Wife Illiana, into it! MATT: He walks behind where Fjord and Beau are andgoes, “Don’t mean to bother you, but if I could have a moment of your time, I’d like to talk.” TRAVIS: Of course.MARISHA: Yeah, man. MATT: “Excuse us.” He leads you guys back to wherethe cellar is. TRAVIS: (quietly) Don’t talk. MATT: You guys head back, he nods over towardsyour dragonborn bartender, gives him a nod, walks past, leads you down to the same cellar, it’s darkin there. There’s no light, but he lights a hooded lantern as you enter and it gives this low,mysterious atmosphere in the shadows as he spins around and goes, “I’ve been watching you a bit.You’re a curiouslot. More of you than came to the meeting. Five more. Did you– and please, be honest, I’m good attelling otherwise– did you reveal any of our sentiments to your– of our moot to yourcompanions?” MARISHA: No we did not. MATT: “Went and saw you come back to town withthis spider-beast you had on your shoulders, now that’s– take it you’re pretty good with a sword,maybe? With a bow? Experienced? What’s your skill sets, if I might ask, beyond just being curious?” TRAVIS: Well, we come from all sorts of differentbackgrounds.I happen to be very handy at sea, know my way around a merchant area. Beau? MARISHA: I consider being curious a pretty highskill set, but since you’re asking beyond that. I’m pretty good with this here bo. Pretty goodfighter. Named Beau. It’s a little redundant, to be totally honest. MATT: “That’s a little strange, not going to lie.” MARISHA: It’s kind of obnoxious.MATT: “Yeah.” MARISHA: Sometimes it irritates me. MATT: “Understood.” MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: “Curse upon ye who made that decision foryou.” MARISHA: Can’t pick them. (laughter) MATT: “So you can move quickly, without a ruckus,you say?” TRAVIS: At times, we can be quite quiet. MATT: “And your friends, do they share oursentiments?” TRAVIS: I would say it’s safe to say that theydon’t have sentiments opposed to yours. MARISHA: Indifference is a pretty strongsentiment. MATT: (sighing) “Listen. If you indeed have aheart for goodness in this world, and you want to make a difference, we’re moving on to somethingsoon that I think we could use your aid on. You and your companions. Blast, if you need payments,I’ve got coin I can muster, and I see you do work for coin. I have few others of us who can chip inas well.Other than myself, most of the Knights of Zadash are unskilled in the ways of the arm. We’rewilling to raise a voice, but not much of a fist, or backing up a word with strength. I’m willing tomake it worth your time.” “You don’t have to answer now. Tomorrow atmidnight, me and a few others from the group, the decision makers, we’re meeting back down here. Ifyou’re in, bring your friends, we can all talk. Give you more information about what’s going on,and you can say yes or no at your leisure. But I think we have a chance to really do something goodin this city. To change part of the status quo. To root out some of the unworthy at the top.Think onit.” TRAVIS: Just letting you know that coin alwayshelps, but we did see the posting outside the King’s Hall about uprisings against the Empire. Itseems the heat on your group might be quite intense. MATT: “We’re not against the Empire. It protectsus. There are good things about it. What we’re against are the people that abuse the system.There are a handful in this town and their time is up.” TRAVIS: What cancers are you looking to remove? Iwould tell you that tomorrow night, the devil lies in the details, and that will depend. MATT: “Your curiosity is piqued. Come by. We’lltalk.” MARISHA: What makes you think that now is theright time for all of this? MATT: “Well, we’ve been talking for a very longtime, and there is a shift coming that we want to ride the wave of. I’ll let Dolan tell you thedetails tomorrow. Anyway.” He snuffs the lantern. “Good night.” TRAVIS: Good night.MARISHA: (shouting) Oh god, stubbed my toe! TRAVIS: Wow. That was really good. Like, youdidn’t act like a total shitfuck. MARISHA: Thanks. I was trying to not show myemotions on my face. TRAVIS: Whatever it was, yeah, lock it in. Thatwas great. Really nice. MARISHA: Yeah, thank you. I’m trying to get betterat it. Yeah. TRAVIS: That was promising. MARISHA: What do you think? TRAVIS: About that? I mean, shit, I can’t reallyspeak to it. I have to figure out what they want to do tomorrow. MARISHA: In my experience, it doesn’t matter if hethinks he’s fucking with the Empire or not. The Empire is going to look at it as fucking withthem, and that never ends well. TRAVIS: That’s right. If it’s amateur hour, we’regoing to be shooting ourselves in the foot. MARISHA: Last thing we want to do is take the fallfor these assholes.TRAVIS: No joke. Especially since we just gothere. MARISHA: And he’s talking like he wants us to bethe fist to his voice. What the fuck is that? TRAVIS: Yeah, what the fuck? MARISHA and TRAVIS: (sigh) TRAVIS: Beer? MARISHA: Yeah. Yeah. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: All right. You guys reconvene with the restof the group. LAURA: So. I walked in and the guy was like– youknow, he had his arms above his head, he was chained to the bed, right? He didn’t know where heleft the key! I know I don’t even know how long he’d been there.TALIESIN: Well he forgot that he put it there! Youthink you’d still feel that. SAM: He paid for that service? LAURA: Oh, people will pay for all sorts of weirdthings. SAM: Wow. LAURA: Oh, hi guys! TRAVIS: Hey. MARISHA: ‘Sup. TRAVIS: I wasn’t sure what our next engagementmight be, but it seems like we might not have to wait that long. SAM: Did we get another job offer? TRAVIS: Well, not through the city per se, butremember that group that we joined the other day? LAURA: The cult? The orgy cult? TRAVIS: No that is not at all, no, no.We joinedtheir meeting, right? We did not join them, we didn’t participate– MARISHA: We sampled. TRAVIS: We were in the presence of an attendedmeeting of individuals. LAURA: So they offered you money? LIAM: More of a voyeuristic position that we’retalking about here. LAURA: They offered you money to join in. TRAVIS: Maybe it’s just us, we just go,fuck these other– TALIESIN: No no no! SAM: What do they want you to do? LIAM: You kept your eyes wide shut, is what you’resaying. SAM: Come on, what’s the fidelio? TALIESIN: Well done! Oh, that was terrible. TRAVIS: Tomorrow evening there’s going to be ameeting of that same group and they would like to hire our services. LAURA: Don’t you think it’s stupid to say all ofthis right here? TRAVIS: Why? Am I speaking real loud? MARISHA: Are we in the tavern? MATT: You guys are in the tavern at the table, butyou’re keeping your voices somewhat discreet.MARISHA: Is anyone watching? MATT: No one seems to be paying immediateattention. TRAVIS: Do you want me to write it down? LAURA: Yes. TRAVIS: Okay. I’ll write it down for Jester, butfor everybody else– (laughter) TRAVIS: Tomorrow at midnight, we’re going to seewhat it is they want to do, and if the money’s right and if it’s not stupid. LIAM: “If the money’s right and if it’s notstupid” is a good philosophy for this group. LAURA: How can we be sure he’s telling the truth? MARISHA: He didn’t tell us a lot of anything. LAURA: But how do you know that he isn’t settingyou up to be turned into the Crownsguard? TALIESIN: Exactly what she said. TRAVIS: Well, since it’s in the same place, it’sin the same cellar, I figure you guys can keep watch above while we’re getting info down below.We don’t all need to be down in the same place.LIAM: We can have my cat tomorrow to link the twogroups. TRAVIS: Where’s your cat? LIAM: Oh boy, he got kicked to shit today. MARISHA: Sorry, I didn’t mean to– LAURA: Like kicked to death? LIAM: Well, you know, it’s hazy because he’s neverreally kicked to death, he’s just kicked off of the material plane. MARISHA: He got kicked into another dimension! LIAM: I’m not going to lie, it does hurt when he’sgone, but I always know he can come back if I have the coin.TRAVIS: Was it one kick? Just one. MARISHA: Oh, it’s not funny. LIAM: It’s a little funny. Frumpkin has a goodsense of humor about it. TRAVIS: You’d have to, you get kicked into afucking other dimension. MARISHA: But who kicks a fucking cat? LIAM: Exactly! Who kicks a fucking cat exactly ismy point! You can do a lot of things and have a very bad day but who kicks a cat?! TRAVIS: Did you get a name or a face, I mean, arewe going– LIAM: Oh, he had such a face. I will never forgetthis face. (laughter) MARISHA: We’ll beat his ass later. LIAM: Maybe. MARISHA: We’ll beat his ass later. TALIESIN: Well, it’s inevitable if you kick a catyou’re going to end badly. That’s just how it works. LIAM: I mean you might as well be at home pickingthe wings off flies, you kick a cat, what is wrong with you? LAURA: Wait a minute, is it wrong to pick wingsoff flies? Because that’s not– TRAVIS: That’s really hard to do, very small andhard to catch.LAURA: Not if they’re already dead, then you canpick the wings off super duper easily. TALIESIN: Oh sure, if they’re already dead, justgo for it. MARISHA: You know what we used to do as kids, weused to take fireflies and crush them and make glow jewelry. When they’d light up, and you’dcrush them right as they light up, and then you can make glowing war paint. LAURA: What’s a firefly? MARISHA: It’s a thing that happens on the eastcoast. TRAVIS: And in the south. MARISHA: Yeah, it’s a southern thing. LIAM: And in New Jersey. LAURA: Oh wow. TALIESIN: Is this a thing that really happens? LIAM: On second thought, who am I to judge? It’sfine! You know, Frumpkin will be back tomorrow morning because I am going to stay up late and dowhat I have to do, but aren’t we going to have a rager tonight at this place in the fancy part oftown? LAURA: Oh yeah, we can go back to the Pillow Troveand all hang out and sleep in the same room if you want.TRAVIS: Wait, so we all just got clean and we’regoing to get back into the sewers to get to the Tri-Spires? SAM: Is this room that you rented gigantic? LAURA: No, it’s kind of little, actually. Youguys, it’s really little, actually. LIAM: But really nice, you said? MARISHA: But you paid for it! LIAM: You paid for it! You know, you don’t want itto go to waste.There’s probably a very nice sitting room or tavern or something underneaththis place. It’s a shame to let it go to waste. LAURA: Yeah we all look nice enough, they mightlet us in. If not, let’s all go– ASHLEY: Kill them. LAURA: Yeah. SAM: What? What? ASHLEY: I’m kidding. SAM: Oh, okay. LAURA: Sure, we walk back to the guards and I showthem the key. Can we get in? MATT: For the sake of brevity? Since it’s gettinglate and I want us to get to a good ending point tonight, they will let you in but nobody else. TALIESIN: But she paid for the whole night withall of us! MARISHA: It’s a posse! TALIESIN: I try to look him right in the eye whenI say that. MATT: It’s not the same guards you met before, andthey take your key but they look towards the rather rough-looking, large, scary barbarianwoman, they look towards the very shifty-looking multicolored tiefling they look past the, while heis wearing a cloak, still rough, grimy-looking wizard, and they begin to fixate directly on thetiny green, but white mask-skinned halfling creature thing in earmuffs that’s squinting veryhard and they begin to really pry in that direction before you start thinking this is notgoing to go well if I keep going– LAURA: All right.MARISHA: Well, maybe– Don’t let us hold you down,if you want to go enjoy? LAURA: Oh, I don’t really want to stay in therealone. TRAVIS: How about we dive bar it tonight, then? MARISHA: Being alone is sucky, right? TALIESIN: Roll for random bar. MATT: You know one dive. LAURA: The Evening Nip. TALIESIN: No work, let’s go make an ass ofourselves at the Evening Nip. MARISHA: Okay, no questions. Just scouting themout. Yeah yeah. TALIESIN: Scout it out. I think that’s a greatidea. LIAM: (singing) Bar wars, nothing but bar wars! MATT: All righty. Let me pull this up real fast.Easy enough to find! You head to another section of the Interstead sprawl– MARISHA: Have we been here yet? MATT: No, you have not been. You come to what is asmall, dark-wood, rough and tumble dive bar with two very dangerous-looking guards at the outside.You see these thicker human guys, one who is completely bald, pale skin, big square chin thatlooks like it’s been broken in multiple places who has his arms crossed.The other one looks to be aspindly guy who’s sitting there, daggers sheathed on both sides, and they both watch you as youenter and they both just stare. MARISHA: They’re bouncers, like rough bouncers atthat bar. MATT: Yeah. Which is interesting, because youexpect for them to go through that it would be a really rowdy place but it’s very quiet.You walkinside and aside from the central candle-lit chandelier that is almost obtrusively laid from alow ceiling with a number of small booths that are built out of wood as well, it has a classicOld-England pub feel, but everything smells of dried beers and ale and rotted wood. You only seetwo other patrons in there that are at separate booths drinking alone, and across the way you seethis very, very old dwarf with half of his beard burned away and this perpetual grimace. He’ssitting there looking out. As you enter, he perks up, “Aye. Can I help you?” MARISHA: He’s the bartender? MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: We’ll take a round of your house ale, ifyou don’t mind. TRAVIS: Start a tab, we’re looking to tie one ontonight. We’re celebrating. MATT: “If I can ask what you’re celebrating?” TRAVIS: Killed a fucking giant invisible spider,friend.MATT: “That’s a pretty good reason to celebrate.Drinks coming right up.” He goes and gets you guys a number of drinks. The basest, most bitter aleyou’ve had, but it’s functional. TRAVIS: I appreciate that. Can I ask your name? MATT: “They call me Clive.” MARISHA: Clive. MATT: “Clive Bens, and this is my bar.” TRAVIS: Nice to meet you, Clive. MATT: “Pleasure as well.” TRAVIS: Noticed some tough-looking types outfront. MATT: “Never be too careful. Dangerous times.Riots breaking out in the cities in the empire. Folks coming through, you got to be prepared.Don’t want to be taken advantage of.” MARISHA: You been hit by any riots? MATT: “No, but that’s why. I keep my front.” Hiseyes are locked in on you. MARISHA: I was about to say, why– TRAVIS: I know, I know! LAURA: Does he look, like, mean at Fjord? MATT: No, it’s just kind of creepy.TRAVIS: He’s just locked in. MARISHA: Hey, is green your favorite color orsomething? MATT: “Sorry, just don’t get a lot of your types inhere.” LAURA: What is his type? TRAVIS: Orc-ish blood. MATT: “Pretty.” LAURA: Pretty! See, Fjord, you’re just sohandsome. TRAVIS: Thank you, Jester. Clive, we’re notlooking for any trouble. MATT: “Then don’t start any. Finish your drinks.Enjoy.” He slips them out. MARISHA: Thanks, man. SAM: This place sucks. LAURA: Yeah, maybe not the best place tocelebrate, just putting it out there. LIAM: That guy is socially awkward. TRAVIS: Is there any music or is it just lowmurmured conversation? MATT: There’s no conversation. Two people atseparate booths that are drinking by themselves and they’re all looking at you.MARISHA: Yeah, what do they look like? TRAVIS: We walked into the Russian Mafia! MARISHA: Yeah we did! This is a mob bar. LIAM: This is Fight Club, really. TRAVIS: Do you have a menu? You don’t, you don’t. MARISHA: Do you have any beers on tap? Oh no, justthe two? Okay. Interesting. Feels like this is a front. MATT: There’s two other guys, one of them is ayounger, plump human male, has a tuft of a red and grey goatee at the end of his chin. No hair on topof his head. The other guy looks to be human as well, he’s older in his forties, he glances overat you, he’s clutching a tankard, and you can see he has a very familiar tattoo around his neck.TRAVIS: The tattoo is familiar or he’s familiar? MATT: The tattoo. It’s not him, but it’s thetattoo. LIAM: Show me your tats. MATT: Yeah. You don’t know if it’s directly thesame, but it’s a similar tattoo to Thed who you met earlier. LAURA: Maybe you should ask him about his tattoossince you have tattoos as well. TALIESIN: Just because someone has tattoos doesn’tmean they know everyone who has a tattoo. These are very different tattoos. TRAVIS: Does the floor look barren? Wood? Anyrugs, coverings? LIAM: How big is this place? MATT: This place is maybe 20 feet by 30 feet. It’svery small. The floor appears to be wood boards, there are a couple doors that leave into a kitchenor storage area. It’s a tiny fucking dive. LAURA: Like, unless we’re going to do this weshould get out.SAM: Should we just do this, then? TRAVIS: We did a little recon. MARISHA: Yeah. Maybe we finish our drink and moveon for now. LAURA: Just go back to The Leaky Tap and then, youknow. TALIESIN: We learned something today. TRAVIS: Have we slept after our spider bite? MATT: You guys finish your terrible ale, and youleave. LAURA: This is awful, and I don’t want it. MARISHA: I pound it for her. MATT: “Thanks for coming by, have a good night.” LAURA: Thank you, Clive Bens! MATT: You guys leave, and the two guards watch youleave. ASHLEY: Nobody wants to stay? (laughter) SAM: Do you want to stay, Yasha? I’ll stay withyou if you want. ASHLEY: I quite like it here. MATT: I’m thirsty and have been out of water and Ikeep going to drink nothing that’s there.I do it so much and I hate it! MARISHA: Can someone fly us in some water for theDM? MATT: It’s fine! Because as you– TRAVIS: Are these your type of people? ASHLEY: I do like these people a lot. LIAM: Let’s play for another six hours. TALIESIN: Six more hours? Let’s make it so theyhave to break this into like five YouTube videos. MATT: Do you guys leave? SAM: Yes, we leave. Take it away, Matt. MATT: Okay. You gather your things up you leaveout into the street to go onto the next leg of your evening adventure and that’s where we’llclose tonight’s episode. (groaning) MATT: It is 11:00, we’ll pick up next week as youguys are leaving the Evening Nip to whatever other business you want to go towards.MARISHA: We learned so much today, you guys. TALIESIN: I feel like we all grew as people. LIAM: I don’t want to stop! LAURA: I know, I feel like it’s just at homeand we can just like– MARISHA: Keep going. Feel like we were on a roll! ASHLEY: Can we do it just us at home? TRAVIS: With some quiches, and some mimosas– MARISHA: Some lox and bagels! MATT: I feel like it would be wonderful, and Ifeel like there would be a lot of very angry, disappointed people. LIAM: Charlie the dog. TALIESIN: Charlie farting in the corner. LAURA: He’s so stinky now. MATT: I know, he’s old and stinky! SAM: “My name is Clive Bens.” (laughter) That was the roughest of old biker bars.All right, guys. Thank you so much always a pleasure. Pick this up nextweek, wish it was sooner! You guys, thank you so much, have a wonderful night, we’ll see you on theinternet. Until then– SAM: Yeah if anyone wants to come see me sing acappella at the University of Virginia on Saturday night– ALL: What?! SAM: Anyway, good night, guys! ALL: What?! LIAM: That’s not a surprise! Sam has deep acappella roots! You all know that! SAM: I’ll be performing in a college a cappellaconcert on Saturday night. TALIESIN: You are not. LAURA: That’s so cool! MARISHA: Where in Virginia? SAM: Charlottesville. LIAM: What’s the address, though? SAM: I don’t know the address. TRAVIS: University of Virginia, you’ll find it. MATT: And on that note, folks, have a wonderfulnight, and is it Thursday yet? Good night.[music].